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Netflix Started Cracking Down On Password Sharing In The US (No, Seriously This Time) And Moms Everywhere Should Be Terrified

CNBC.com - Netflix’s crackdown on password sharing has come to the U.S.

The streaming service said it began alerting members on Tuesday about its new sharing policy, noting that Netflix accounts are only to be shared within a single household.

“Your Netflix account is for you and the people you live with — your household,” the company said in an email, which it posted to its blog on Tuesday.

The email goes on to say that members can transfer a profile of someone outside of their household so the person can begin a new membership they pay for on their own. Or they can pay an extra fee – $7.99 a month – per person outside of their household using their account.

I'm not sure I ever actually believed this day would come. Like a grumpy dad yelling at his kids in the back seat of a road trip, it seems Netflix is finally "turning this god damn car around!" when it comes to password sharing. The great Netflix password crackdown has begun and moms everywhere should be terrified.

Yesterday I received a text from my aunt who uses the same Netflix account that I do, which is also the one my brother uses...and my uncle...and I'm 95% sure my ex is still using...that my mom pays for on a monthly basis even though she has no idea how to access it from her TV. 

My aunt said she saw a notification that only family members who live in the same household are allowed to use the same account. And since we aren't a family of poors who are waiting for a golden ticket to some psychopath's chocolate factory, we obviously all do not all live together. 

She was worried that she might get in trouble for using my mom's account. I assured her that there is nothing to be worried about and the only person who should be scared is my dear mother. What my mom does not yet realize is that she woke up today a wanted internet criminal. The latest in a long line of Limewire downloaders and UFC fight live streamers. A shady internet ne'erdowell that the has the FBI drooling thinking about how they soon get to kick down her door and confiscate all her Firesticks at gunpoint.  

If it sounds like I am on law enforcement's side here it's because I am. Rules are rules and breaking them has consequences, I don't care how good your god damn deviled eggs are at the Memorial Day cookout. 

Sure, I started using her account way back when Netflix was still shipping DVDs to people's doors like some kind of zombie Columbia House. I continued using her Netflix account when they still had those stupid red machines outside of the local drug store that served as a place to piss behind for homeless dudes more often than it did a DVD distribution point. 

I was using her account when Netflix started giving guys like Kevin James and Adam Sandler the equivalent of the gross GDP of a small Asian country just to mail in a few comedies for their platform. And I will continue to use her account all the way through her indictment and lengthy legal process. Because when I commit to something I don't give up that easy. My mom didn't raise a quitter. 

Someone who sits idly by while she takes the fall for our family's crimes? Sure. But not a quitter.

I will never pay the money for a new account. Not so long as my mom Netflix dealer is still on the street corner slanging me that sweet sweet eye candy. So when they finally take my mom into custody, I'll be right there…at her house changing the address on her Netflix account to mine. Because we can't let Netflix win.

I'm proud my mom is a martyr against corporate greed. Words have meaning so when Netflix said "love is haring a password" back in 2017, it became something worth standing up for. So thanks mom. And happy belated Mother's Day, Ill see you at the arraignment.