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The AL Central Is The Worst Division In Baseball History

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Before we begin, don't bring up pathetic divisions from like 1982. I don't care about shit that happened before I was born. 

Over the last handful of years, baseball fans from across the country have shit all over teams from the AL Central for being dog shit, and rightfully so. Since the Lindor/Ramirez/Miller/Kluber led Indians were a thing, the division has been really, really bad. 

That's not the case this year, however. It's worse. The AL Central has been nothing less than an aborted fetus and it's making me think we should just abolish divisions altogether so none of these bums can even make the playoffs. Only like…1/2 kidding when I say that. 


Look at these run differentials prior to yesterday's slate of games: 

Absolutely pathetic considering the Oakland A's have a -168 run differential alone. Just a total embarrassment to MLB. 

I also want the record to show that when I trash talk other divisional teams - namely Cleveland and Minnesota - I am not saying the White Sox are the exception to the AL Central "aborted fetus" rule:



Look morons, I know the White Sox stink and fuck everything up. I promise that nobody knows that more than I do. That doesn't mean CLE and MIN don't also stink, because they do. They STINK. Those teams are grade A trash bag teams that will only be in the playoff hunt this year because of their geographical location and NOTHING else. 

They'd both be the worst teams in the AL East. They'd both be fighting for 3rd or 4th place in the AL West. That's just a fact. That doesn't mean the White Sox would do better in another division, because they wouldn't either. Those two things have nothing to do with each other though. 

Simply put, the AL Central is an abomination to the lord, Jesus Christ. 

Let's Start With Cleveland, one of the AL Central title "contenders" 

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I'll say this: two things CLE has going for them is having Tito on their bench and their ability to scout/develop. I could get really baseball nerdy and talk about how they're a machine when it comes to developing arms and being a decent "find guys" team, which is true, but that doesn't matter for this singular year, as it's just not a recipe for sustained excellence, unless you're the Rays. 

You're gonna have off years with that method. This is more than likely one of those years. 

Tito's the best manager in MLB plain and simple though. I love that guy and it makes hating CLE for the decrepit, nothing city it is all that much harder. That's basically where the buck stops with them, however. At least at the big league level, as they also have a top 5ish farm system. Cleveland sucks this year sure, but they'll be back. 

Just not this year. Probably. 

The team has 28 bombs this year through 46 games. Uhhhh Cleveland, the dead ball era called, they want their offense back!!! Ever heard of the saying, "ball go far, team go far"? Apparently not. NOBODY wins anything of substance with a team that hits so little bombs. Nobody. You just can't win like that anymore because you have to string 4-5 hits together to put up crooked numbers and that's really, really fucking hard to do against MLB pitching. 

That's probably why they're also dead ISO and 2nd to last in runs scored, one spot against another ALC foe DET, who's best offensive player has been googles "Tigers Fangraphs" some dude named Zach McKinstry, a dude nobody has ever heard of. 

The Guardians completely fucking stink. They might win the division but it's not because they're good. It's because the rest of the ALC is really fucking bad. 

Let's move on to those losers up in Minnesota now: 

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I watched the Twins lose 2 of 3 games to the White Sox last week. I then went and made this comment and Twins fans didn't take too kindly to it: 

Look… I've been watching baseball a long time. I'm sure this will be spun into some shit like, "Dave thinks he knows way more about baseball than he does", which may absolutely be true, but is moot for this point - I don't even need to reference statistics to talk about how shitty the Twins are. I can use my eyes. Anyone with a slightly above average baseball acumen can watch them and would land at the same conclusion. All ya gotta do is watch them lose 2 of 3 to the White Sox like they did last week, say "this team sucks", say it with conviction and say it with confidence. 

BuT SOnnY GRaY!!!!! Joe Ryan!!! PABLO LOPEZ!!!! 

Look, shut the fuck up. Yes, that's a FINE 1-3. Chances are they'll slay bum ass AL central teams all season…

…except Sonny Gray doesn't scare a single opposing lineup that has its eyes set on the playoffs. Nor does Joe Ryan. Nor does Pablo Lopez. This may also sound insane coming from a White Sox fan, but Gray has never really had health on his side, and he's as old as my fat ass is. 

And don't even get me started with how bland their offense is. Take Buxton out of it, which is something the baseball gods decide to do regularly by smiting him with injuries, and who in that lineup is supposed to scare a serious team? Joey Gallo? Lmfao. That dude was built in a lab to destroy dog shit 2nd division pitching like the AL Central. Not real teams with real pitchers. 

Yes they might win the division. That doesn't mean they're good. They're not. Don't care that they have a few nasty wings in the backend of their pen, either. They're just not good. Sorry if this TRUTH offends. 

Let's briefly talk about the Tigers and the Royals: 

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These two teams completely fucking STINK. The Tigers are still trotting out a 70 year old Miguel Cabrera and just signed JAVY FUCKING BAEZ to be their cornerstone. Yes, this guy:

Here are his numbers over his ~year and a half tenure with Detroit: 

YUCK. Pair that with Akil Baddoo? Spencer Torkelson? Jake Rogers (who???) and his team leading 5 home runs thus far? Yeah… no. You're dog shit. Your whole team is. E-Rod won't be there too long, either. Once he's gone, the Tigers 28th ranked pitching staff will be even worse. 

Speaking of Torkelson…man what a disappointment he's been thus far. He makes Andrew Vaughn look like a superstar. 

The Royals are just pathetic, by the way. PATHETIC. That's a team that relies on scouting, minor league infrastructure and keen signings to succeed. Well guess what?!?! The Royals are ranked 28/30 in organizational prospect rankings, per MLB.com. Not only do they have a dog shit 40 man and not only do they not spend, they also have NOTHING on the horizon. Zilch. Same goes for DET and the Sox aside from a small handful of players. 


And speaking of the White Sox, there's not a CHANCE I'm not including those buttholes in this blog. 

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They're the grossest offenders of all the offenders in the AL Central. As I construct this blog, the White Sox sit 6.5 games out of the ALC lead, which is DISGUSTING considering their PATHETIC 19-29 record. I still have a $100 +1500 ticket that they win the central and with how BRUTAL the rest of the division is, the fact that they still have a punchers chance with like 115 or w/e games left in the season is a crime against humanity.

But let's talk about why the White Sox STINK. Look no further than this rant a White Sox fan had a few weeks back in the middle of their 10 game losing streak:

He nailed everything. Awful owner who is hellbent on NEVER EVER taking part on spending on A level free agents, in spite of being THE ONLY big major market team in a division full of flyover cities. Brutal mid-tier signings that end up being money pit liabilities on the spreadsheet. Total dog shit minor league scouting/drafting/development system. Injuries. Lots and lots of injuries. THREE FUCKING MANAGERS IN A CONTENTION WINDOW!! 

Oh, and they fucking cut payroll from last year to this year when it was crystal clear that they had holes on holes to fill via free agency. Nope, 2B and RF are the same black holes they've been since Jermaine Dye and Tadahito iguchi manned those positions. 

It's truly amazing how bad they fucked this thing up. Going from Moncada and Robert and Eloy and Gio and Anderson and Lynn and Hendricks to talking about how the Sox are probably going to have to sell at the deadline for the long term health of the organization is something that should go down in Chicago lore as one of its all time sport fuck-ups.

But then again, should they win the DOG SHIT division they're in, they'll have plausible deniability. "See!!! 3 playoff appearances in 4 years, we have sustained success!!!!" 

Yeah…no. If that's what they sell us, nobody will buy it. The organizations warts have been on FULL display over the last year or so. There is not one thing they can do, sans adding like $50MM+ to payroll this winter (LOLOLOL!!), that will be a message to both the roster and the fans that says, "we're doing everything we can to win more baseball games." 


It's a goddamn shame. 

So there you have it. This AL Central is the worst division I can remember in all my years as a baseball fan. The Twins STINK, the Guards STINK, the Royals and the Tigers STINK beyond belief, and the White Sox, with their inability to take advantage of all that, STINK more than any of them.