Dumping Them Out: Drunk or Stroke?

John Rich5/22/2023 12:04 AM

Welcome back to another episode of Dumping Them Out. I apologize if this ends up being late tonight, but considering the shape that I am currently in, writing a nonsense smut blog is nothing short of commendable. My brothers wedding was yesterday in St. Louis, where I drank roughly 1000 beers, slept for 2 hours, then left for the airport at 3:45am. A lesser man would complain about having to work for 2 hours on a day like this, but not me. I will stop at nothing to provide hot boob/ass GIFs for the good readers of Barstool Sports.

And I saw the craziest shit I've ever seen while driving to the airport today. We were on the way to the airport, driving right through downtown St. Louis, when traffic came to a halt. It was still pitch black outside, but up in the distance there was a bright orange glow. We got a little closer, and the whole ass interstate was covered in flames. Look at this shit.

It must have happened 2 minutes before we got there. There weren't even any cops or fire trucks on the scene yet. Just a raging fire on the interstate. I've never seen anything like that before. I can't find any information about the crash online either. How does that happen? Luckily we were able to get off the exit, and I took this video (which I kind of fucked up), and all I could really see was a white SUV on fire.

But a white SUV can't generate that much fire can it? I thought I was going to see a tipped over oil tanker or something. And it looked like there was maybe a separate car on fire in the left lane too. I would really like some answers. I can't even wrap my mind around how a fire that big could happen from a car crash. Maybe it was a meteor or something.

Speaking of meteors.

I told somebody in the comment section last week that I would try to provide the names of the girls in the GIFs. The problem is I'm deep into the bowels of the internet for these GIFs. The GIFs are nameless. For example, this one is simply titled 'Sexy Hot GIF'

And the only description I can find for this next one is 'TikTok GIF'.

Which reminds me, I really need to start writing this blog with my computer on incognito mode. Last weeks episode of Dumping Them Out required a hot GIF of Chrissy Teigen, so naturally I searched "Chrissy Teigan Hot GIF". The problem is, this is the same computer I hook up to the monitor when I do The Rundown. When I was running the computer during Tuesday's show, someone asked me to pull up Chrissy Teigen scene from Fast & Furious. So when I typed in "Chrissy Teigen" into my search bar, it auto-filled "Chrissy Teigen Hot GIF", and everyone on The Rundown saw it. So that was a little embarrassing .

Do people take that Nick Adams guy seriously? I can never tell. I haven't paid much attention to him, but his tweets and videos about being an alpha male are fucking hilarious. They make me laugh every time. I can't tell if he's doing some sort of parody, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy tweets like this.

Just watched Michael Block hit a hole-in-one in the PGA Championship. This has to be the coolest hole-in-one in the history of golf. Just some random Club Pro who played his ass off in some sort of qualifier, got in the PGA Championship, outplayed golfers like Jon Rahm, Dustin Johnson, Phil Mickelson, Jordan Spieth, Justin Thomas, and over 100 other PGA golfers. And capped it off with this. Unreal. It actually made me tear up.

The announcer just said that Michael Block is the first PGA Club Pro to make a hole-in-one at the PGA Championship since 1996. It's kind of insane that he isn't the first one to do it.

Also, Brooks better not blow this. I guess by the time this is published the tournament will probably be over. I probably should stop writing about things happening in real time. Oh well. Go Brooksy.

I've been drinking IPA's fairly regularly for close to a decade now, and I've finally admitted to myself that I do not enjoy them. I merely tolerate them because it's nice to catch a buzz from only drinking two 8.5% beers. Even the best ones aren't good, they're just slightly more tolerable. Deep down I feel like everybody who drinks IPA's feel this way, they just don't want to admit it.

Here's a fun video of a politician from Texas being shit faced drunk while speaking at a politics meeting or whatever they call it.

That's either very funny or very scary, depending on whether or not he was drunk or having a stroke. But judging by the way he banged that comically large judges gavel, I'm going to go with drunk.

P.S. Brooks did win. Congratulations Brooks.