Bottom of the Barrel NBA Future Betting Analysis: What Team Has The Players with the Best Nicknames?
note: I may have added one for LeBron
Full disclosure. So far I've picked, in order, the Timberwolves, Suns, and 76ers for championship futures during these playoffs while also dipping into hockey to pick the Oilers the night they lost as well as the Kraken. Just in case you're wondering what sort of hell a person would have to go through to think: "You know what, I wonder what team's players have the best nick names?" So here we are.
I heard Ryen Russillo mention a couple days ago on his podcast that a lot of NBA players have nicknames in their basketball-reference.com bios and let me tell you, I can confirm this to be true. Over 1,900 past and present. A full NBA history blog on nicknames will certainly be in order for the offseason, but for now I need to find a way use these nicknamalytics to find out which team is going to win it all.
If you go strictly by numbers, the Celtics have 11 players with nicknames and the Lakers are next with 10 so picking a Celtics over the Lakers Finals seems logical with a very, VERY loose definition of the word. On the other hand, LeBron and AD help provide the Lakers the most nicknames. I just think we gotta rank the best ones and go from there. Here are my top-5.
5: Robert Williams: "Boo Butt"
Robert's sister to explain:
This is some 4D chess by older sis looking out for her little brother. I mean, how does one show displeasure if Robert is playing bad? "They're not booing… their saying BOOOOOO BUTT!!!" - Dan Patrick, probably.
4. Jaylen Brown: "Old Man"
Jaylen evidently got this nickname because he's an old soul who does things that old people like to do. This is good from a team's perspective because you don't want your players getting hurt doing stupid things off the court. Lucky for the Celtics, Jaylen just sits at home doing things you literally can't get hurt doing like playing chess, reading books, and watering plants.
3. Peyton Pritchard: "Fast PP"
Peyton is not the type to leave you waiting long in the car while he runs into the highway rest area on a trip with the boys. I love this nickname and I can certainly see myself yelling "FAST PP FOR THREE!!" watching the games.
2. Reggie Jackson: "Big Government"
Reggie got this nickname from being the guy on the bench the team calls in to bail out the offense. Like Lonnie Walker earlier vs the Warriors. So far he's appeared in five game these playoffs and stimulated three total points towards the Nuggets economy however his plus/minus is in the negative. Fair to say the nickname checks out.
1. Bam Adebayo: "Bam Bam", "Bam"
Bam's Twitter handle might say he's a 1 of 1, but there's actually two other NBA players with a "Bam" nickname (Jerian Grant and Chinanu Onuaku). But neither of them have "Bam Bam" so that's just more Bam from Bam than the other Bams.
All in all, I think I gotta go with the Celtics. The first three names in my Top-5 were Celtics and if you just look at the ensemble of the team, you can't go wrong with a party that includes the Godfather, Jawz, Batman, The President, an Old Man, a Rooster, and a guy that takes quick pee pees. That's a championship roster.
Celtics. Final answer. What could go wrong?