Oscar Mayer is rolling into a new era, changing the name of its iconic Wienermobile to the "Frankmobile."
The name change is the 27-foot-long hot dog vehicle's first in nearly 100 years. Kraft Heinz, the parent company of the cold cut brand, said in a press release that the new name "pays homage to the brand's 100% Beef Franks as it debuts a tasty new recipe that is more flavorful than ever."
I'll cut to the chase here: obviously Oscar Mayer sees what's going on in the world and is proactively changing the name of their flagship "mascot", if you will, because it has the word "wiener" in it.
It will never not make me sick to my stomach. If I've said it once, I've said it a million times: NOBODY is safe from cancel culture. Not me, not you, and not a 27' long hot dog car that has "wiener" in its name. One day you're cruising down the street in your 27' long hot dog car, downing a dog or two or tree, getting ketchup all over your shirt and BAM
Canceled. That's what you get you fascist fucks!!!
That's not the point of this blog though. The point is blog is to point out that it took like 1000 years for Oscar Mayer to FINALLY make the switch to all-beef dogs. Pork hot dogs are GROSS. They STINK. They're an abomination to the Lord, Jesus Christ. Anyone ever tried a Dodger Dog? I have and it made me want to puke, and that's because they're made from pork. Anyone who willingly consumes pork based hot dogs is a lunatic unfit for society. Don't even get me started on the psychopaths that willingly serve them in mass to people at baseball games or barbecues.
Beef dogs > pork dogs all day long. How Oscar Mayer is just now realizing this bottles my mind. Better late than never, but goddamn, Oscar Mayer. Welcome to 2023.
Shout out to Oscar Mayer for their creative additions to the giant moving hot dog though. Per the article, the new models of the vehicle come fully loaded with new decals and "frank whistles", whistles which surely won't immediately be turned into 1000 "skin flute" puns. They also have a new mission statement, which is to "spark smiles and unite fans around a love of meat."
I gotta say, I love me some meat. Like man meat, "flesh from a slaughtered animal" meat. REAL meat. None of that gross ass pork remnant meat. That shit's gross. So gross, in fact, that they should have gotten drafted in our snake draft of gross foods from a few weeks back:
I'll take the blame for not drafting them.
PS - if this guy isn't driving the new Frankmobile like…TOMORROW….
…Oscar Mayer needs to head to Brand Strategy 101 over at the local community college