This Poor Girl Had To Bribe Her Horned Up Neighbors So They Would Stop Banging And She Could Get Some Damn Sleep

There's all kinds of stuff you have to deal with when you live in an apartment building. Asshole superintendants, finding a spot in the parking lot, taking your trash to the dumpster, and apparently neighbors that bang like jackrabbits. This is the issue that Ali is running into in her apartment building.

The horny bastards next door have been playing hide the salami so much that poor Ali can't sleep. She goes to bed and they're banging. She wakes up and they're banging. These two must live off a strict diet of ginseng and oysters with that kind of stamina. 

After a while you have to wonder if you're living adjacent to a grassroots porn studio or something. All you want is a little peace and quiet and you have buddy blowing his chicks back out 24/7. Got the whole hallway smelling like budussy and you can't even hang any family photos on the wall because these two animals will knock them off. Just a couple of muffin stuffin' menaces living next door.

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Things have gotten so out of hand that she decided to write them a letter.

Hey neighbors!

Just a friendly reminder that the walls between our houses are much thinner than you might think!

Congrats to you guys for your apparently VERY healthy sex life (seriously, good for you), however, I would prefer not to be a part of it and I'm sure you'd both prefer that as well.

I applaud you both for your stamina, however, it's gotten to the point that it's interfering with my sleep schedule, so I figured it was time to say something. 

Please accept these beers as a peace offering/bargaining chip - I was hoping they might be enough to persuade you to maybe move your bed to the other side of the room?

Sincerely,

You neighbors in 83

(Specifically the one that shares a bedroom wall with you)

Ali's profile says she is 24 years old. Do you know how much sex these people must be having for a 24 year old to be rattled by it? Those two are over there frothin' and bumpin' uglies for hours on end to the point that Ali could now be clinically diagnosed with insomnia. 

I do think she is playing with fire a little bit here though. Not because they will be mad or offended by the letter, but because she is dealing with two of the horniest human beings on planet earth. And she is a pretty girl. And she just gave them alcohol. And she introduced the idea of her being a part of their sex life. 

You just threw them an 89 mph fastball low and in and these two are ready to swing if you know what I mean. 

We haven't gotten an update on what the couple said yet but something tells me Ali is going to get a knock on her door soon. And when she opens it the man will be in a smoking jacket with a bottle of wine and the woman will be wearing nothing but a seductive smirk. I hope Ali has been stretching because she very well might be in for the workout of her life tusslin' with these two freaky folks.