Cool News: The Sixers Were Historically Dog Shit To Close Out Their Embarrassing Game 6 Loss Last Night

Jesse D. Garrabrant. Getty Images.

I think we can all agree that last night was the Sixers' one and only chance to close this bitch out. If you think the city of Philadelphia will get to enjoy themselves on Mothers Day while watching this team win a game 7 to advance past the 2nd round of the playoffs for the first time in over 20 years, well then I've got a closet full of shirts with extra large collars to sell you. 

These idiots came out looking like trash to start the game. It seemed like every shot was going in and out, and that it was just going to be one of those classic nights of watching the Sixers get their dicks kicked in on the biggest stage. But somehow, miraculously, the Celtics also looked like complete and utter garbage. Jayson Tatum was paying tribute to Markelle Fultz for 3 quarters, Boston could never pull away and put the game out of reach, and eventually the Sixers found themselves leading the game. I'd imagine they were just as shocked at the rest of us when they tied the game up and somehow weren't down by 40. 

All they had to do was just hit a few shots in the 4th quarter to hang onto that lead and they'd be riding into the Eastern Conference Finals today. Instead….

I've always said that if you're going to be bad, you might as well be historically awful. Why suck just a little bit when you can suck harder than anybody has ever sucked before? The Sixers aren't here to be average. Never have been, never will be. There are two ends of the spectrum, and being in the middle is death. So if they're not going to be historically elite, then it's to the other end of the spectrum they go. 

It's been the same story time and time again. Eventually you need to realize the writers have just run out of creativity and we're about to get another reboot of a soul-crushing Sixers loss in game 7. The sooner you come to terms with that, the less it'll sting. Hopefully at least. But yeah…Smitty was right. Last night was a must-win, and they pissed down their leg in the 4th quarter instead.