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Judge Elizabeth Scherer, Who Once Had a Juror Try to Get Out of Serving to Be With Her Sugar Daddy, is Stepping Down from the Bench. And Hopefully into Superstardom.

Pool. Getty Images.

Allow me to reintroduce you to Florida Circuit Judge Elizabeth Ann Scherer. You may remember her from presiding over such grim and serious proceedings as the trial of Parkland school shooter Nicholas Cruz, which began just over a year ago. As if discharging her solemn duty in a such a high profile criminal matter didn't make her a household name already, Justice Scherer's became famous for this viral moment:

Source -  Footage from the courtroom shows Circuit Judge Elizabeth Scherer asking whether anyone has any concerns about the requirements asked of them.  

'Miss Bristol' piped up to say not only was the trial expected to take 'a whole entire month', it conflicted with her birthday and would interrupt her love life. 

'First of all let me clarify myself, July second is my birthday, July Fourth is my son, and the 18th is my other son.  And again, I need to figure out something. I have my sugar daddy that I see every day.'

The judge replied: 'I'm sorry?'  Bristol replied: 'My sugar daddy.' 

The judge, looking increasingly confused, said: 'I'm not exactly sure what you're talking about.' 

'Well I am married and I have my sugar daddy. I see him every day.' 

Lost for words, Judge Scherer replied: 'OK. All right. Ma'am, we'll come back to you, OK? Thank you.' 

Which, as you can see, Her Honor handled with a dignity and judicial temperament that would've made the legendary John Marshall hand her his gavel. 

As someone who spent 17 years working in the Massachusetts Trial Court, sworn to protect the judges to whom I was assigned (provided I was paying attention at the time and not working on a blog I planned to send to Feitelberg for him to post as soon as we went on recess), I would gladly have risked life and limb to keep this brilliant jurist safe from harm. 

They say that the right to a fair trial is one of the great civilizing influences of a free society. I agree. And that crucial system cannot function without judges with the integrity, fairness, and temperament of a Judge Scherer. Sadly though, it appears she had decided to follow a different path:

On a personal note, classy move by her to single out her bailiff Charlene for praise. I never worked with a judge in my life who didn't consider - either privately or overtly - me and my fellow officers to be monkeys with badges. So good on her. Which only emphasizes what a loss this is for our entire justice system. 

That said, I can't help but find a silver lining in her decision to retire from the bench. In the last 15 years, haven't sat in the waiting room of a doctor or car service center without seeing a judge show on the TV. There must be 30 of them every weekday for the daytime TV target demo of retirees and shut-ins. Hell, I think I saw a promo for a primetime one starring Steve Harvey, of all people. (Because man simply doesn't get the exposure he deserves.) Well I cannot think of a more worthy candidate than Elizabeth Scherer. 

She's a natural. That conversation with the Sugar Daddy lady is like her sizzle reel. Anyone with the skill to handle that curveball with such grace would kill it on cable settling neighbor's dog disputes and ex-friends fighting over who owes who over the destination bachelorette party gone horribly, horribly wrong. So the criminal justice system's loss should definitely become afternoon basic cable's gain.



Make it so.