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Dumping Them Out: Impulsive Reality TV Rankings

Welcome back to another episode of Dumping Them Out, the weekly segment where I post GIFs of scantily clad woman. Technically there are words as well, but the words are more of a formality. Today I'm just going to ramble about my favorite shitty reality TV shows that nobody asked for or cares about

As with all of my rankings, these will be Speed Rankings. I don't do Power Rankings. People overthink Power Rankings. Speed Rankings are fired from the hip. The less thought put into them the better. That's what makes them fast.

1. The Hills/Laguna Beach
Best reality TV series of all time. I've watched The Hills all the way through at least 5 times. I'll go to my grave saying that Heidi & Spencer is the greatest love story of all time. There wasn't a person in the world who wanted them to be together. Not even their own families. But they said fuck you guys, they got married, and they're still together. That's kind of beautiful.

2. Buying Beverly Hills
Possibly the most entertained I've been by a reality show from start to finish. Maybe I was just high or something but I swear to god I loved it. Watched it all in one sitting. It's like Selling Sunset but with more focus on the real estate company and it was actually believable. Highly recommend.

3. Vanderpump Rules
Bravo knows exactly what they're doing. I thought the show was dead with Stassi, Jax & Brittney left. I didn't think Raquel had it in her to put the show on her back by fucking all of her best friend. Well done. 

4. Survivor
Check out Barstool Sports premier Survivor podcast Snuffin' Torches where I try to convince people that Jeff Probst is actually a huge dick. Yes, he's great for the show, but he is an asshole. 

5. Big Brother
If I wasn't on a Survivor podcast, I would probably put Big Brother higher. Big Brother just gives you way more content than Survivor. It has something like 4x the episodes per season, and if you're really a sicko you can pay for the 24/7 live streams and literally sit in front of your computer and watch a bunch of strangers live their lives all day long.

6. The Challenge
I like how everybody in The Challenge thinks they're a combination of an extreme athlete and a marine. 

7. Southern Charm
It's more or less the same show at Vanderpump Rules except it's in Charleston instead of LA.

8. Southern Hospitality
Is more or less that same show as Southern Charm except it's different people in Charleston. Charleston is hot in the streets these days. I actually liked this a lot, but there's only 1 season so far.

9. Top Chef
I'm in the middle of my first Top Chef season. I feel like by the end of it this could be moved up higher. I like watching all the cocky control freak chefs getting knocked down a peg. 

10. Great British Bakeoff
Basically a tie with Top Chef. It's a little more straight forward, and everything is baking instead of cooking. The hosts are tough to watch though. I don't know if it's just shitty British humor or what, but I spend a lot of time cringing at the "comedians" who oversee the bakers.

11. Selling Sunset
First season was great, then they just got away from the real estate business entirely. I am however deeply in love with Chrishell Strause, so I'll watch it for her alone. 

Selling OC & Selling Tampa kinda sucked. 

12. Too Hot To Handle 
They really have the worst, most vapid contestants out of all the reality shows. They just bring a bunch of super hot people to an island and tell them they can't hook up. Then they hook up a bunch and lose everyone a bunch of money. But to be fair if I was that hot and got on the show I would just hook up with everyone, become the villain,

13. Love Island (UK)
I can never really get into Love Island for whatever reason. I've watched multiple seasons but usually zone out or end up on my phone for a majority of it. The UK one is 10x better than Love Island US. Although Love Island US had Shannon St. Claire, who's probably my favorite contestant of them all. 

Giphy Images.
Giphy Images.

DEAD LAST: The Bachelor
I've gave The Bachelor my very best shot. It's a such a big part of popular culture that I thought I might as well give it shot. When I first started watching it about 5 years ago, I thought it was alright. I at least kind of looked forward to it, and it kept my attention. But the last couple seasons have been so so bad. It's a chore to watch. The last 2 bachelors have been the least likeable, most boring people I've ever seen on television. They really just need to cut the show in half. There just isn't enough interesting footage to fill however much time they're given by ABC. 

I'm probably forgetting a whole bunch. I need to start watching Summer House and Winter House. I've never committed to a season of Real Housewives. I'm not sure if that's a road a want to go down. I might never make it out. I'm also very interested in Below Deck. I have a feeling that's a good one.