"It Was Loud — Full-Body": A Closer Look At a Woman's Screaming Orgasm In the Middle of the LA Philharmonics Performance of Tchaikovsky's 5th Symphony
Hill Street Studios. Getty Images.NY POST — The ground really moved for one woman during the second movement of the LA Philharmonic’s performance of Tchaikovsky’s 5th Symphony — when she experienced a “loud and full body orgasm.”
A hat tip to Billy Football for posting the audio this morning, which added an aspect of believability to a story that most would dismiss without it as exaggerated "weird news" on a slow day. With that recording as well as a surprisingly robust amount of sources whose stories all more or less line up on the key facts, I'd like to take a deeper dive into a story that appears to be true, and that I believe deserves a little more attention than a brief paragraph: one woman's apparent screaming orgasm in the middle of the LA Philharmonic's performance of Tchaikovsky's 5th.
A couple of things struck me about this story and I'll address them in due course but for now I think it's only appropriate to show the respect he deserves — let's just take a second to fully appreciate the Big Dick Energy of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky.
Henry Guttmann Collection. Getty Images.I mean my goodness. This man's BDE literally transcends death — from beyond the grave Tchaikovsky accomplished what you can't with a full hour under the covers with a spelunking helmet and a flashlight and a detailed up-to-date map of the clitoris.
And this was no ten second acting job by your girlfriend to keep your self-confidence up — just listen to this first-hand report from a woman who witnessed The Cumming herself:
Several concertgoers described the woman’s climactic moment Friday from the balcony at the packed Walt Disney Concert Hall.
“Everyone kind of turned to see what was happening,” Molly Grant, who was sitting near the overjoyed woman, told the Los Angeles Times on Sunday. “I saw the girl after it had happened, and I assume that she … had an orgasm because she was heavily breathing, and her partner was smiling and looking at her — like in an effort to not shame her,” she said.
“It was quite beautiful,” Grant added.
("Like in an effort not to shame" or the embarrassed smile of a man who just that very moment became the cuckold of a dead guy who's been dead for 130 years? Interpretations differ.)
On top of that there is the aforementioned audio clip “purporting to capture the woman’s moment of ecstasy” which has gone viral (courtesy of our very own Macrodosing podcast):
From my analysis of the sound recording I think we can safely say we're dealing with a "combo" orgasm here, a powerful climax that includes clitoral, vaginal, or cervical orgasms — that's right, all 3 of the female orgasms, because there are 3 of them, 4 if you include the combo, something that everyone knows I think, I mean I certainly do, from life experience obviously, just like you, and certainly not something I am learning right now on Healthline's "13 Things To Know About the Female Orgasm," (nevertheless a great resource for anyone who has questions about it, which is not me.) Again: hats off to the boy Tchaikovsky, classical composition game strong enough to induce a combo cum a century-plus later.
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Of course there's no way to know for sure without hearing directly from the woman in question. I wasn't there. Unclear whether or not that would make any difference but. We don't have to take one witness's word or one audio clip's word for it — we haven't yet heard from the most rock solid and thorough source yet: Magnus Fiennes.
Magnus is I guess something like the Cooper Manning of the Fiennes family —
Bravo. Getty Images.
Jon Kopaloff. Getty Images.— more importantly, he's a composer, and was in attendance and gave his in-depth testimony to the public via tweet:
“A woman in the audience had loud and full body orgasm during the 5th’s second movement… Band politely carried on,” he said on Twitter.
However, some social media users expressed their doubts about the incident, with one who was present suggesting that the woman had a medical emergency.
Fiennes insisted “it absolutely happened,” writing that he “ran all possible scenarios.”
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People can see things or interpret things wrong obviously, but in this case we can at least feel comfortable that he's being honest: it's tough to imagine Magnus Fiennes would do anything to tarnish the reputation of the family name by lying about a screaming O at the Philharmonic.
(Still trying to think of what you saw Joseph Fiennes in? It was that show on ABC that laid out a crazy mystery and looked like it would be the next Lost then got canceled before S1 ended because it sucked so bad. Or maybe Enemy at the Gates. If you are a woman Handmaid's Tale.)
A high powered music agent pitched in too with some independent corroboration:
Music agent Lukas Burton told the LA Times that the woman’s loud moan was “wonderfully timed” to a “romantic swell” during the performance.“One can’t know exactly what happened, but it seemed very clear from the sound that it was an expression of pure physical joy,” Burton told the paper.
“A sort of classical music equivalent of that scene in a movie where someone is talking loudly in a party or a nightclub, and then the record suddenly stops and they say something that everyone hears,” he said.
Burton added that the classic expression of joy was “rather wonderful and refreshing.”
He said there was “a sort of gasp in the audience” but that “everyone felt that was a rather lovely expression of somebody who was so transported by the music that it had some kind of effect on them.”
With all signs pointing towards the spontaneous orgasming of a woman in the middle of the performance, there's another impressive feat that must be acknowledged: the professionalism of the Philharmonic.
Classical pianist Sharon Su added in a tweet that she “checked with someone who works at the LA Phil and they confirmed” that the incident was real and that the orchestra did not stop playing during Tchaikovsky’s 5th.
The LA Times reported that its sources and the audio clip corroborated the accounts that the orchestra did not miss a beat during the explosive moment.
Cannot, absolutely refuses to be rattled. It's like they've trained specifically for this moment.
Which from their online program notes though you kind of get the impression they have —
It noted that the philharmonic’s online program notes included the following description of the second movement.
“The … luscious main theme was adapted for a popular love song; Tchaikovsky’s skillful orchestration, however, lifts the mood from sentimentality to high Romanticism. The movement’s principal melody is presented in a memorable solo by the horn, followed by other appealing woodwind solos.”
Luscious? When's the last time you heard the word luscious and somebody wasn't getting fucked to classical musiuc? I think we're all learning together here that beneath the prim and proper appearances there is a world stuffed to the gills with horniness right below the surface.
It should be said also: there is some evidence of music-induced orgasms on the internet — Aeon says "the short answer is yes" and there has even been an effort to pin down the exact note that can make women cum. (Bonus fun fact for any nerds still with me: it has been said that the sharp sounds produced by the "Blaster Beam" invented for Star Trek in 1979 has been known to make women spontaneously orgasm, in case you don't get that response naturally when showing her your figurine collection).
So the verdict I think is pretty clear: a woman had a goddamn high volume and full body orgasm right smack in the middle of a classical concert. I've got it playing in the cans right now and I can kind of catch a faint vibe of potential cumming. It slaps there's no doubt about that. Check it out for yourself and see what you think. Thanks for reading.
Potentially NSFW for the ladies
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Oh and final fun fact: it is almost now universally accepted by historians and scholars that Tchaikovsky was gay and specifically hot for his nephew.