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Moe's Tavern Is The Best Bar In The Entire Country And That Is A FACT

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There are plenty of fictional places I'd like to get drunk, but I have to get drunk at Moe's Tavern before I die. And yes, I know it's a cartoon but apparently it actually exists down in Orlando. Now, I'm sure the "real" one isn't nearly as divey as the "fake" one from the show, but it'll have to suffice. 

If I were going to the real one, it'd check every last one of my boxes: 

- lack of women
- cheap cold beer
- sticky floors
- fruit fly problem
- regulars
- good conversation, but also no conversation if the mood doesn't call for it
- friendly polak bartenders 

That's it. That's all I need to fall in love with a bar and that's why I need to get drunk at Moe's with Lenny, Karl, Barney, Homer and that other random guy that just chills there mute. What I can safely tell you is that it'd be MUCH better time than hanging out at a McDonald's in a goddamn mansion like a trust fund baby fuck face: 

Horrendous 1-1...unless you're hungover and need to crush a couple of sausage egg McMuffins with like 5 hash brown patties. The "Fictional bars and restaurants draft" is LIVE!!!