Dumping Them Out: Predicting Games That Already Happened

Welcome back to another episode of Dumping Them Out on a spectacular sports Sunday. I think I'll actually write about sports today. I'm currently watching the New York Knicks play in the 2nd round of the playoffs for what feels like the first time in my life. I'm pulling for the Knicks, but I'm having a hard time picturing Jimmy Butler ever losing a basketball game again. It's currently 1:21 PM EST. By the time this is published the game will most likely be over, so I'm going to predict that the final score is Heat 107, Knicks 100. 

Writer's Note/Fyre Fest Of The Week - The Knicks/Heat game just finished. The final score is Heat 108, Knicks 101, which makes my prediction very good. But I still haven't hit submit on this blog yet, so nobody is going to believe that my prediction is legit. Luckily I foresaw this happening, and I took a picture of my laptop screen with the clock in the corner so I could prove the time of my prediction. But I also could have just changed the time on my laptop. I could easily be lying and you would have no way of knowing. 

On to Warriors vs Kings. Another game that will probably be over by the time this blog drops. It's hard to not cheer for the Kings. Everyone loves lighting the beam. But the possibility of a Lakers vs Warriors series is too good to pass up. We haven't had LeBron vs Steph Curry in the playoffs in a long time. This could be the last chance we have at it. The more I think about it, I'm going to be pissed if the Kings fuck this up by winning.

I guess I have to predict the score of the game again. Lets go with Warriors 126, Kings 113. I don't feel like taking another picture as proof. You're just going to have to believe me. Or don't believe me, I don't care. Here are some weird Eastern European TikTok GIFs.

This is quickly turning into one of the dumbest things I've ever written. Predicting games but not releasing the predictions until after the games happen. This is what happens when I try to talk sports. Fuck it, we got 2 NHL Game 7's tonight. More hot, fresh predictions coming right up!

As funny as it would be to see the Bruins lose, I don't want them out of the playoffs yet. Plus I'm contractually obligated to cheer for all Boston sports teams. Lets go with Bruins 5, Panthers 1.

As a Columbus Blue Jackets fan, I'm annoyed by the Kraken. I don't like seeing new even newer than the Blue Jackets have success before us. Also, Nathan McKinnon from Colorado is one of my favorite players to watch, so I'll go with Avalanche 6, Kraken 3. 

Thank god that's over. I want to talk about this video that came across my timeline today.

There is plenty to unpack here, but let me start by saying this reporter is a loser. That whole situation is entirely his fault. You don't get mad at a dog for eating chocolate if someone leaves a chocolate bar on the floor. If a dog sees chocolate he's going to eat it. It's the owner's responsibility to not put their dog in that situation. Just like if you shove a microphone in the face of a piss drunk Maple Leafs fan, he's going to say "fuck". Did the reporter really think these were the fans to interview live on air? They left the house in black face. Clearly they aren't to be trusted on live television.

One more sports question to wrap up whatever the hell this blog has been.

If you could wake up tomorrow and it was any time of the year, based on the sports calendar, when would you pick? It comes down to 2 options for me

1. Start of College Football season (with NFL right around the corner)

2. Start of March Madness (right before conference tournaments start)

Choosing the start of football season is the responsible choice. Football season is a slow burn. It's like a morphine drip. You receive a appropriate amount of football divvyed out over a 4-5 month stretch. It's good wholesome fun for the duration of the season

March Madness on the other hand is like smoking crack. It hits you all at once, and it's incredible. Peak March Madness is amazing. It's a massive dopamine rush. But you blink and it's over.

Honorable mentions

- The start of the NBA & NHL playoffs (i.e. right now)

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- The time is year where all 4 major professional sports are playing. When a city has a sports equinox that's always fun.

- Some people would say opening day of baseball. It's not for me, but I respect baseball fans.

- The start of the World Cup. It's only once every 4 years but that's up there with March Madness for me.