Father's Day Collection | T-Shirts, Hats, Polos, Crewnecks, Q-Zips and MoreSHOP NOW

Advertisement

NHL Expansion Teams Are Getting Too Damn Good, Too Damn Quickly

Ashley Potts. Getty Images.

The Vegas Golden Knights entered the 2017-18 season as the 31st franchise in the NHL. Just a few short months later, 29 other teams were sitting at home with their thumbs up their ass while the Golden Knights were playing in the Stanley Cup Final against Washington. First year in the league, and those bastards were just 3 more wins away from winning the Cup. 

The Seattle Kraken entered the 2021-22 season as the 32nd franchise in the NHL. And in their inaugural season, they looked every bit of dog shit as an expansion team is supposed to look. They fucking sucked. They finished dead last in their division with a record of 27-49-6. Team was complete and total booty cheeks. 

But somehow those bastards are now just 1-win away from sending home the defending Stanley Cup champs in the first round of the playoffs. 

Advertisement

They have Nathan MacKinnon crying in the corner down at one end of the ice as Tye Kartye is scoring in his NHL debut at the other end. A 21-year-old undrafted kid playing in his first NHL game to replace an injured Jared McCann in the lineup, and he puts the Seattle Kraken one goal closer to closing out the Avalanche in the first round. 

Everybody's happy. Everybody seems to love these new teams coming into the league and immediately contending in the playoffs. 

Well I'm not, Doug! 

I mean what the hell is going on here? What gives these teams the right? Who do they think they are?

I've been alive for 31 years. And those 31 years have consisted of nothing but pain and torture as a Philadelphia Flyers fan. I was barely old enough to follow along and understand the 1997 Stanley Cup Final where the Flyers got swept by the Red Wings. And even when the Flyers made it back to the Cup Final in 2010, that team honestly wasn't very good. They squeaked into the playoffs on the last day of the final season and had to pull a miraculous comeback out of their ass to get past the Bruins in the 2nd round. It's been 31 years of constant heartbreak and rejection. 

And I'm just getting really sick and tired of seeing these expansion teams come into the league and give their fans something to be happy and excited about right away. It just doesn't seem right to me. They need to suffer a little first. What ever happened to that?

The Nashville Predators came into the league in 1998-99. They didn't make the playoffs until 2003, and didn't win a playoff series until 2011. The Atlanta Thrashers came into the league in 1999-2000, and they never won a single playoff game. The Columbus Blue Jackets came into the league in 2000-01, and they didn't win a playoff series until 2019. 

Those are my type of expansion teams. Those are fan bases who I can respect and identify with. Not this new-aged instant gratifcation bullshit. Vegas fans haven't earned it. Seattle fans haven't earned it. Unless they blow this 3-2 series lead and get their hearts ripped out of their chest and their own balls shoved down their throat in game 7 against Colorado. In which case, Seattle fans are officially invited to the miserable hockey fans bbq. 

Advertisement

P.S. -- Yeah yeah I know the Panthers made it to the Cup Final in their 3rd season. But they dealt with 25 years of pure shit after that, so Florida fans are cool in my book. 

@JordieBarstool