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Rumors Are Swirling That The Philadelphia Eagles Continue To Become Alabama North, Looking To Bring In Derrick Henry

Mitchell Leff. Getty Images.

Now before we even get started here, let me just preface all of this by saying I have no idea who Akbar Gbajabiamila is. Maybe he's legit, maybe he's not. As of right now, Derrick Henry is just as much of a Philadelphia Eagles legend as Frank Gore was. 

But life is short. We're only on this giant spinning rock for a finite amount of time. And I'd like to use my time here by believing my guy Akbar, because why the hell not?

And if this fella is speaking facts, well then thank god Howie Roseman and the Philadelphia Eagles finally figured out the cheat code to winning a shit ton of football games. Turns out the only thing you need to do is just load your roster up with guys who were built by the University of Alabama. Just stack up a roster full of dudes who spent time in Tuscaloosa and you are set. You don't even need to do anything to them. They come ready to go right out of the package. No coaching necessary or nothing. You've got Jalen Hurts, you've got DeVonta Smith, you've got Landon Dickerson, and now you've got Derrick Henry. 

On top of that, you can also just load your roster with a bunch of guys who have won the Heisman Trophy. Turns out that guys who were freakishly nasty in college are often times freakishly nasty in the pros as well. Not all of them, but a lot of them. So now the Eagles have DeVonta Smith, Marcus Mariota, and potentially Derrick Henry. They're basically turning Lincoln Financial Field into the Heisman House. 

Again, there's a good chance that this never pans out. There's a good chance the Tennessee Titans realize they can't just keep giving the Eagles their best players every single year. AJ Brown was nice enough of them the first time, but Derrick Henry would almost be too much. But if it's draft capital they want in return? Well then that sick bastard Howie Roseman still has plenty of it to spare. No need to use the 10th overall pick on Bijan Robinson when you can just get Derrick Henry instead. 

I won't start scouting out my spot for the Super Bowl parade until Schefter or Rapoport tweet out the final details. By my goodness what a death squad the fellas are assembling down in South Philly.