Behold: The Dishwasher Load Job That Was So Bad It Sent Me Spiraling Into A Deep Personal Abyss
This has obviously been covered before (and I couldn't agree with Jordie more - an absolute HEATHEN move by Chris Long there) but in this case I have to double-blog, because the atrocity that I discovered in our dishwasher this morning sent me spiraling.
DID THE JOB GET DONE, PAT? DID IT?! LOOK AT IT PATRICK.. LOOK AT IT...
First off, I'm pregnant so I can't accept the excuse that he doesn't know how to drop a load in.
Second, this is the live view of me holding the dishwasher door open at 7am, where I'd innocently gone to grab water bottles for my son's daycare bag:
It literally broke my mind today for reasons I'll get into shortly.
And, was it petty to immediately take this to the internet & publicly shame the father of my child? Yes.
But, was it worth it for the validating responses I got that I then made him read so he could see I'm not crazy? Absolutely.
One of the most common of nearly 350 replies overall was people pointing out the oldest trick in the book; weaponized incompetence (thanks for that terminology and my new obsession with it, #MomTok!):
((The idea is to do things like domestic housework so poorly that eventually your partner just gives up and starts doing it for you -- (but no need to worry about that here, I'm annoying enough that I'd never let that happen #PrayForPat).)
Plus, in this scenario I don't believe "weaponized incompetence" was the case, and I think he was just tired & ran out of F's to give (though he legit does always load the spoons and forks like that… hmmm), BUT I've seen it enough in personal relationships, friend's relationships & internet anecdotes recently (once again, shoutout #MomTok) to know it's very much a thing and it suuuuucks, and maybe that's what really set me off about this small instance this morning. On top of that, just this past week the Pew Research Center released a study showing that, "even when earnings are similar, husbands spend more time on paid work and leisure, while wives devote more time to caregiving and housework". No! I refuse! I'm a human being, too, goddamnit! ahhh
While at a bridal shower one of my friend's husbands called her asking what/how he was supposed to feed their baby for lunch, and he sounded annoyed. This same guy spends most of his weekends golfing so of course it's better for him if she feels bad about not being home. And if I see one more video where some bumbling dad is like, "I don't know how to do my daughter's hair but my wife is out of town so look how shitty I did these pigtails LOL," and everyone responds how cute and funny it is, I'm going to lose my mind.
I think our generation was raised where, as little girls we were told we could be anything we wanted, and we were way more empowered to branch out than in eras before us, but where at the same time our parents still didn't expect their boys to do what's seen traditionally as "women/girls work" around the house. So now we're all grown up and a lot of us gals are expecting things to be even, but our rare free time is spent picking up the slack our other halves leave strewn about our joint lives. When you're working full time (whether that's at home as a mom or in an office somewhere or whatever) it's straight up demoralizing. Despite all that "you go girl!" hype from our youth, things still aren't shaking out for us in the year of our Lord 2023, and we're made to feel crazy for it. (Obligatory #NotAllMen and I know there's a lot of great guys out there, and I know this can go both ways.)
I guess the point of this random, word-vomit, blog-spiral is to say that doing basic upkeep around the house half-assed, or always having to be asked to help, or straight up refusing to keep things equal is a real good way to build an impenetrable wall of resentment & find yourself in the ol' Sad Dad Divorce Club at age 46 with the kids moping around your bland apartment & asking why you only have stale pop tarts while your ex wife is in Bali with the town's karate instructor, Ryker Brawn, because he can do a kick-flip & doesn't expect her to act like his mommy.
In short, step up around the house and you'll find that our bar is so, so low you might be on your way to Handjob City for simply putting the dishes in the dishwasher with care.
Again, in our own dishwasher saga it's not that serious (obligatory "Pat and I love each other very much and he'll probably still get a top tier handjob tonight, jealous??!") but it just got me thinking is all and quite frankly momma needed a blog. And inversely, if Pat had to write a list of my own shortcomings it would be longer than 1,000 CVS receipts sewn together. Now if you don't mind, I'm heading home for the weekend where I will pretend, even after two years of living in the same apartment building, that I don't know where all our trash is supposed to go so he has to take it out. Happy Friday to all.