All of a Sudden It's Wrong To Baptize Yourself While Naked In A Church Fountain

An Arizona man was arrested for allegedly baptizing himself in a church fountain in the nude last week.

Jeremiah Sykes, 20, was reportedly found naked in the fountain of One Life Church in Mesa near Gilbert Road on Saturday. According to court documents obtained by FOX 10 Phoenix, he was told to leave but obstinately stayed and grabbed a blanket.

Sykes was taken to a holding facility by police and charged with criminal trespass and indecent exposure.

Baptizing can be a beautiful time in someone's life. I went to seminary and am still ordained so I've done a few baptisms and people typically look happy as fuck afterward. Im sure this fella is no different. He sees a big ole fountain by a church and honest to god, you have no real reason to strip down to the underroos and get wet. It's a beautiful thing. You can into this world naked and you get baptized naked. Pretty cool!

Back in my day of church leadership, we counted success as the number of folks we baptized. Apparently, that has changed because they wanted this fella to get up outta the fountain and cover up his glory which he obliged. Granted, he didn't throw on some Levis but he did cover himself with a blanket which I think basically counts as clothes right? A blanket is basically a robe without a belt and a robe is clothing ergo a blanket is clothes. 

To summarize, in the view of this one church and not my own opinion, if you are gonna baptize yourself naked, get a little permission before. You don't want a reverend to see your cock. Make no mistake about that. You do not want your reverend to see your cock even if your intentions are as pure as water from Iceland.