CBC -- A woman on British Columbia's Sunshine Coast awoke to a sticky situation last Thursday when she found a bear with a sweet tooth had broken into her car and crushed dozens of cans of soda she had left there overnight.
Sharon Rosel said she was awakened by her dog around 3 a.m. PT Thursday and looked outside to see a black bear surrounded by shattered glass from her car window.
...Rosel said she had 72 cans of soda in total in the car, and the bear drank 69.
Okay so right off the bat, I'll admit I loved this story so much more before I found out this woman had all that soda in her car because she runs a food truck. The thought of this woman just casually roaming around with 6 cases of soda for personal use was incredible.
That's besides the point. Because right now I just want to give a shoutout to this bear for really knowing how to let loose and get after it. We've all been there before. Let's not act like you've never made some risky health decisions at 3am. Maybe it's a slice of pizza, maybe it's a bag of chips, maybe it's a can of orange soda. Either way, all of your shame and humility are long gone at 3am. So it starts with one, and then just starts to spiral out of control from there.
You gas one can of soda and immediately think to yourself, "that was great, maybe I could treat myself to another. I've been good with my diet lately. I haven't had soda in months and mostly just stick to water. Plus I went to the gym yesterday so I could probably afford the extra calories. Fine, just one more and then that's it". Somehow you crush that can even quicker than the first. The bubbles are intoxicating. Nobody else is even awake yet so you can just sneak one more can that nobody ever has to know about. Now you've already had 3 cans, so how much worse could a 4th possibly be? From that point on, it's game over. You basically just lock into a trance where you're doing nothing but crushing cans of orange soda for the next couple of hours. All of a sudden you're awoken by a beam of sunlight piercing through your living room window. You're naked on the couch with nothing covering you up besides a blanket of empty soda cans and some Doritos crumbs. There are 69 open soda cans around you and all but one of them are completely empty.
You roll off the couch, check the Mets score, realize they lost 5-0 to the Dodgers, finish that last can of soda, and prepare to head off to work for the day. This bear can blog for my team any day of the week. Guy just gets it.