A Comprehensive Guide For Knicks Fans To Hate Everything About The Cleveland Cavs
Here we go. Another - not really - playoffs in the trenches. We're not used to this as Knicks fans. We're not used to seeing hype videos that don't include a draft pick or something like that. But you know what? Fuck all that. We're good. I promise. We're not like hey gonna go win a title good, but we're good. Leon Rose has a real direction of this team and isn't ruining it.
But this isn't about the Knicks. This is about building up hate for an enemy. I know it's fairly easy for me to hate the Cavs. I've voluntarily surrounded myself with too many jackasses from that city. I know I live in Cincinnati but the majority of my friends are from Cleveland. I never had a reason to hate Cleveland teams until I saw how much their fans just flat out suck. Only thing they have going for themselves are pierogis which are just delicious. Oh you're from Bay Village and have a view of Lake Erie? Suck my ass. Lake Erie is like the 4th best Great Lake anyways.
There's not a lot of history between the Knicks and Cavs. Some playoff series in the 90s but that's mostly it. Well, now it's time to hate them. I'm ready to lead this charge as someone who has screamed over and over again that sports are better with a little hate and animosity involved. So let's get into it player by player, reason by reason.
Donovan Mitchell
Pretty simple here. We lived through the Donovan Mitchell to the Knicks saga for roughly 2 years or so. Fitting we get him in round 1. Well cheerio let's do it again. Mitchell isn't as hatable as Trae Young from a couple years ago but I expect the same sort of feeling when it comes to him. Mitchell will probably wear something of his dad's or Mets related during a game at MSG which will send Frank into a tailspin about how the Mets should have went 0-162 in 1986 or something. But Frank isn't a Knicks fan. That's irrelevant. Clem, the lone Mets/Knicks fan here, will handle how to hate that properly. I trust Clem, not Frank.
But back to Mitchell. We had to listen about how it's LOL same old Knicks when he went to the Cavs. Little did everyone know Jalen Brunson would turn out to be just fine. If Mitchell blows up this series, the same old dumbass national media will fire off their same old takes. If Grimes can shut him down, well we won the non-trade. That simple.
Oh and he went to Louisville. Fuck him and fuck anyone who went to Louisville.
Craig Ehlo
Craig motherfucking Ehlo. You know who ruined my childhood? Well outside of Derek Jeter, Reggie Miller, Jeffrey Maier and Spike Lee? This guy Michael Jordan. I blame Craig Ehlo. He gave him confidence to win. Sure, MJ would have always been great. But perhaps he doesn't rip the Knicks hearts out every single goddamn time if Ehlo gets a stop. Bum.
Pick a logo and color scheme
This bothers me way more than it should. The Cavaliers/Cavs can't make up their damn mind for colors or logos. Sort of like LeBron James, so it makes sense. You had the blue and orange. You had the wine and gold. You threw in some black and navy. Did you want to be the Cavaliers or the Cavs? Make up your damn mind. Good luck rooting for some trash like that while the Knicks just have classic, clean looks.
They tried to kill Delly
Enough said.
They made LeBron insufferable
I blame Cleveland for making LeBron insufferable. They welcomed him back like a worthless ex after the Miami experience. We had to hear the lame ass 'Cleveland this is for you' after the title. They could have built any sort of team around him and we wouldn't have had Miami and this LeBron turn. Pretty simple to point blame at Cleveland.
Dan Gilbert
This man deserves no success.
Jeff D. Lowe
Jeff D. Lowe is a UConn and Cavs fan. He saw his success already this spring. He doesn't deserve to see another basketball run. Get him to Browns season where he has to watch and hope Deshaun Watson delivers like all other Cavs/Browns fans. Also, DOZEN RIGGED (or something like that).
They ruined John Beilein
The Cavs took John Beilein from college basketball and ruined him. He never should have coached in the NBA. That man is a college basketball coach through and through. Now what? He just hangs out? Come on. We need Beilein back in college basketball. Once again, Cleveland ruins everything.
Drew Carey sucked at wrestling
Second best Price is Right host out of the last two as well.
Finally - they aren't the Knicks
This is one of the most fun ass Knicks teams in a long time. Jalen Brunson and Julius Randle both making cases for All-NBA teams. Guys like Quickley and Grimes making leaps. RJ understanding his role. The bench being awesome. But now it's best of 7. Win 4, season is worth it. Can't lose to the Cavs. Just can't. It's impossible to bitch about this team this season as a Knicks fan. So join me and follow me in hating the Cavs. Let me know any other reason I forgot.