Unreal: Kentucky Has A High School State Mario Kart Tournament, Bullshit That It's Not The N64 Version Though

Yep, this is a bracket for a Mario Kart Tournament. Not just any Mario Kart Tournament, but the Kentucky state tournament for it. This is AWESOME ... to a degree. I'll explain that in a second. Here's the background: 

[Source] - Esports have been on the rise for several years now and were recognized by the Kentucky High School Athletic Association (KHSAA) as an official sport in 2019. It’s a multi-billion-dollar industry, with more and more colleges and universities — including the University of Kentucky — starting esports programs and even giving out scholarships.

If you’re curious, four more KHSAA esports championships also start soon and conclude at the UKFCU Esports Lounge on April 26: Rocket League, Madden, League of Legends, and Super Smash Brothers Ultimate. Teams that win state will be invited to participate in the PlayVS Cup for over $700,000 in prizes and scholarships.

Here's the problem though. This isn't on N64. It's bullshit. I don't care that we're in 2023. There is only one Mario Kart that we should all recognize. It's the N64 version. There was very few more satisfying feelings than laying the perfect banana, hitting the perfect red shell or shrinking everyone mid-jump and costing them a chance to win. It's what made the game, the game. There was strategy but it was mostly racing (and drinking beers). 

Actually the only thing more satisfying is using the N64 controller - especially the see-thru purple one. That was a fire controller. But there was something special about the N64 controller, even more when we're talking about Mario Kart. The game still holds up to this day. My pals and I - all in our now late 30s - will break it out from time to time. It hits every single time. 

I do kind of love how we let these high schools have team names: 

  • Blue Shell-by’s – Shelby County
  • Jackets Orange – Williamsburg City
  • Kart Panthers – Carroll County
  • MCHS Red – Madison Central
  • SpartanA – South Warren
  • Lafayette Generals MK8 – Lafayette
  • Burning Rubber Pirates – Belfry
  • The Douglass Dashers – Frederick Douglass
  • GCHS Kart – Great Crossing
  • HCHS Mario Kart – Harlan County
  • WCHS Cardinals – Wayne County
  • ¨C12C
  • ¨C13C
  • ¨C14C
  • ¨C15C
  • ¨C16C

SpartanA probably plays with Mario. The favorites are easy here. Blue Shell-by's, Big Kart Go Vroom and the Burning Rubber Pirates are going to finish top 3. You can't go with those names and lose to WCHS Cardinals. You just can't. But man, I'd kill to have this back in the early 2000s when I was in high school. Give me a Mario Kart, NBA Jam and American Gladiators and Fox College Hoops N64 game and I'm sweeping the state titles.