Our good pal Rico Bosco was kind enough to blog about Dollar Dog Night at the Phillies game last night. The only thing is that Rico, much like any other hack who feels the need to shit on Philly fans for clicks, has no idea what he was talking about. Much like every other hack, Rico saw Philly fans throwing objects and immediately had to revert to Eagles fans throwing snowballs at Santa Claus. Fortunately that happened 50 years ago and cans of High Noon weren't invented yet. Could you imagine how much of a scumbag you'd have to be to throw full cans of High Noons at somebody? If I have a High Noon in my hand, I am immediately chugging that bad boy because they are a delicious beverage and perfect for every occasion. Honestly I can't envision a moment where a High Noon touches my hands and I'm not drinking it. Never would I waste one by being a complete and total lunatic attempting to take somebody's head off. But that's why we don't need to bring up the past like the rest of the hacks who constantly bring up snowballs at Santa Claus.
Either way, I'm here to set the record straight. Philadelphia is known as the City of Brotherly Love. And one thing we do here in Philly is make sure that we take care of our own. So if you can afford to get a mass quantity of Pork Missiles for the low low price of a single dollar each, Philly fans are going to make sure that they donate some of those dogs with the rest of their brethren. Which is what you see on display here as Phillies fans were simply passing hot dogs out to each other to make sure nobody left CBP hungry last night.
Again, this has nothing to do with the fact that the Phillies were losing on Dollar Dog Night. Is it deplorable that the team would decide to just not show up on one of the three best nights of the year at CBP? Of course. But that ain't what this is about.
We're living in a new age of Dollar Dog Night. The pitch clock has completely altered the strategy in which meat rockets can be acquired on these nights. You can't afford to have everybody in the stands go up to the concession stands to get dollar dogs between innings. Because with how fast these games are going this year, you'd miss the entire next inning if the line gets long enough. Heck, you might miss 2 or 3 innings. It's ridiculous. So you send a select few fans up to the concession stands to order a fuck ton of hot dogs, and then you toss them throughout the stadium for all to enjoy. If anything, Philly fans are like Santa Claus in this situation and they're dropping off presents to all the good little girls and boys. You want to know what's not good behavior? Throwing cans of High Noon instead of drinking the most delicious premium hard seltzer on the market. That would get you some coal in your stockings.
I couldn't be more proud of Philly fans last night. Their ingenuity and selflessness was both admirable and inspiring. It sucks to see the droves of hacks constantly feel the need to drag this fanbase down. But I guess that's why the late great philosopher Rocky Balboa once said, "no one likes us, we don't care".