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Turns Out That Climate Change Is Actually The New Steroids For Baseball

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Associated Press -- Climate change is making major league sluggers into even hotter hitters, sending an extra 50 or so home runs a year over the fences, a new study found.

Hotter, thinner air that allows balls to fly farther contributed a tiny bit to a surge in home runs since 2010, according to a statistical analysis by Dartmouth College scientists published in Friday’s Bulletin of the American Meteorological Society. They analyzed 100,000 major league games and more than 200,000 balls put into play in the last few years along with weather conditions, stadiums and other factors.

“Global warming is juicing home runs in Major League Baseball,” said study co-author Justin Mankin, a Dartmouth climate scientist.

It’s basic physics.

I've said this before and now I'll say it again--climate change is actually pretty frickin' sweet. 

Pretty much everything about climate change--aside from the fact that we are skull fucking our own planet into an early demise--rules. That's what little dweebs like Greta Thunberg don't understand. For the average, every day man? We are currently living in the greatest environment that planet Earth could provide for us as a host. 

We get to play golf in the middle of February without having to bundle up in 40 different layers. We get to have summer last from basically the middle of April until the end of October. And on top of everything, we get to witness more dingers every year. 50 of them, to be sort of exact. 

Imagine being Barry Bonds or Mark McGwire or Sammy Sosa right now. All those dudes who had to load their body up full of drugs just to be able to hit a baseball 400 feet. They got screwed over by not playing in an era where the Earth was as hot as the devil's taint. Now any ol' twink can step up to the plate and launch a nuke 450 feet through the air because it's a million degrees outside. Guys who have never stepped foot inside of a gym a day in their life can at least have warning track power thanks to climate change. 

Here's the thing--if the Hall of Fame voters are going to take such a righteous stance against the Steroid Era guys, then they better keep that same energy for this current generation of sluggers. Unless the MLB starts to play all of their games in climate-controlled indoor arenas, how can you possibly compare today's numbers to the likes of Babe Ruth? You just can't.