Albany Empire Antonio Brown Grabs the Mic at a Press Event to Suggest He Might 'Put that Shit on' and Play the Season Opener

Kevin C. Cox. Getty Images.

You might have naturally assumed that when Human Blog Fodder Antonio Brown became the owner of a pro football franchise in the National Arena League:

Advertisement

… that he would go all corporate on us. That the responsibilities of being in charge of other people who depend on him, and answerable to his corporate sponsors and paying customers, would make him more measured and more thoughtful in his words and his deeds. As The Clash put it, "You grow up and you calm down. You start wearing blue and brown." 

If that's what you're thinking was, you have a lot to learn about Antonio Brown. Because not only was this how his introductory press conference played out:

… he met with reporters again this week, ahead of the kickoff of the NAL season on April 16th. And it was the pure, USDA Choice, Grade AB Antonio Brown we've been accustomed to since he was driving Mike Tomlin up the Heinz Stadium walls and freezing his feet on Jon Gruden's watch:

You've got to hand it to him. The man just never, ever disappoints. Everything he takes a swing at ends up in the upper deck. The guy who brought this to my attention mentioned Brown is still riding the Crazy Train. And I corrected him to say he's the Commodore Vanderbilt who built the Crazy Train monopoly. 

I mean, if you took a million guys who just bought the team in the city where they used to watch their father play ball, that's a beautiful, tender moment for 999,999 of them. And Brown came ever so close to going to that emotional place. But then you can see the exact moment his Gollum took over his Smeagol. Right at the 1:05 mark. After mentioning how he wants to give the kids of Albany the same experience he used to have sitting in those stands. Then in an instant, he's talking about strapping on the pads in order to fill the arena. Even throwing in a little vintage teen Bhad Bhabie for a bit of flair:

Giphy Images.

Advertisement

And I think we're all here for it. Who in central New York wouldn't be? Believe me, if he was coming to my NFL team, I'd form one of those human chains across the stadium entrance the way protesters do to stop climate change or whatever, just to prevent him from destroying the team from within. (Again, in my case.) But I'd turn out to an arena to watch him run routes against semi-professional competition. 

But even more so, I'd want to watch because you know eventually he's going to do to the Albany Empire what he did in Pittsburgh, Las Vegas, New England and Tampa Bay. He's going to blow that franchise up, because that's what he does. It's who he is. Like the scorpion in the old Navajo fable who drowns himself and the fox because it's his nature. The fact the coach who just won the Empire the last two league championships is gone is just the first sign of the impending doom to come. And watching the disaster unfold is going to be fantastical.

Antonio Brown the wide receiver, driving Antonio Brown the owner insane. More insane than he already is, I mean. It's going to be The Greatest Show on Arena Turf. And the culmination of AB's unparalleled, unhinged career. Mark my words.