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MLB Umpire Ron Kulpa Owes Barstool Sports A Sincere Apology

Everyone saw this going around yesterday with an appropriate amount of disgust. I'm circling back to reinforce that disgust while also simultaneously offering an apology for this disaster. Even though Ron hasn't apologized, consider this my interpretation based on the events: 

Specifically, I'd like to formally apologize to everyone who took the Hit Parade yesterday only to get completely steamrolled by Ron Kulpa. The first pitch clock ejection in MLB History and with it wipes away the most successful bet we publish. Hit Parade closed last year +20 units and it starts 2-0 in 2023 only for that bullshit. 

We talk a lot about tough losses on this website. Bad beats and funny moments as the play clocks expire. 


Oh no. 

He made it.

Old news. 

Talk to me when your prop bet doesn't cash because a middle aged man named Ron got a bad night of sleep at a San Diego Hyatt. (I'm Marriott obviously.) Like honestly find another sport where a 1st ballot, generational player like Manny Machado gets outright disrespected every time he takes the field. Every other sport prides itself on ballwashing their superstars but not us. We'll send your ass home in the first inning whether your like it or not.

Nevermind the very sick child sitting behind the on deck circle with mere months to live. Doctors across the world have studied his case but no treatment plan's available. It's such a rare disease that nobody famous has died from it. So not just huge moment for this little kid (Manny promised a homerun), but also everyone everywhere that's ever suffered at the cruel hands of illness. All of them. 

Manny was gonna hit that HR then go hug the child while simultaneously co-publishing a Go Fund Me with the Step Dad. Had a whole thing planned to raise awareness, but of course Ron Kulpa had to get the crab legs last night. It's not in season, Ron. He didn't care and he doesn't like being challenged on shellfish tolerance. Make it TWO seafood towers

Fast-forward to Tuesday and you can just imagine that internal struggle. The focus required to appropriately administer and umpire a Major League Baseball game vs. the gut-wrenching need to shit your pants.

And to be clear I'm not saying 100% that Ron Kulpa had a dump in his pants yesterday. I'm just spitballing here that he could have ruined the remaining days of a Padres' fan's life yesterday and that's kinda fucked up from Ron. All because he gets seafood cravings on the west coast. 

I'm hoping this kid pulls through. And again I'm sorry if you guys got screwed. Ron will make it up to you next time he gets a borderline call, I'm sure. 

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