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White Sox Fans Are Beautifully Disgusting

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Yesterday I made a voyage down to 35th and Shields to take in the Chicago White Sox game. It was their first home game of the season and the stadium was buzzing. First pitch was at 2pm, so needless to say, I got to the parking lot at 11am to start tailgating. We won't talk about the game itself, as I didn't watch much of it. I was too busy dodging Giant home run balls as if I was manning the front line in Bastogne, France circa winter 1944 and those HR balls were mortar rounds. 

It was great seeing a bunch of familiar faces and running into old friends though. With that said, lines for the bathroom were long as FUCK in the parking lot. 

White Sox fans are beautifully disgusting though, which we'll get to momentarily. We have oft-discussed my 80 grade bladder before. That 80 grade bladder was put to the test yesterday around 1pm. I really needed to take a whizz, but the lines were so long I didn't know what to do. That's when I met some older gentleman who told me about his makeshift urinal called "the funnel" 

Absolutely vile, disgusting and nauseating. But those are traits we White Sox fans hold near and dear to our heart. We wear those traits like a badge of honor and because of that, it was an honor and a privilege to piss in the funnel. 

After I finished, I felt like a new man. I could then continue drinking the DELICIOUS new High Noon tequila seltzers, eat my hot dogs, and fuck around in the parking lot without the pain of having a couple hundred ounces of liquid in my bladder. And by the way - this was one continuous stream, not to brag. I really needed to go. Sox fans don't get pee shy. That's what PFT does. 


- Kopech needs to throw 100 again. When he's throwing 93, he has like… no room for error as a 2 pitch pitcher and teams are going to tee off on him. That's just a sad fact and he's better than what that was yesterday. Hope to god he bounces back from that start yesterday and comes out HUMMING in his next start. Oh and don't tip your goddamn pitches

- The issues with RISP will resolve themselves soon… I hope… the plate appearances are good so far though

- Moncada, Robert and TA all look to be fully back, as does Yaz

- The Sox now have a legit OF defense. Robert has been a FREAK defensively so far. I swear he's saved like 100 runs so far already and a run saved is a run scored, as they say 

- Elvis Andrus is giving me insane Leury Garcia scaries

- The bullpen will shake itself out. The arms are too good and Crochet and Hendriks are both due back in a month or so

All in all, nothing has changed for me. I'm still cautiously optimistic about this team. The talent is there and the players that need to be good have been good. We'll see where they are a month from now. If they're .500 at the end of April, they're in a GREAT spot I think, as April is probably their toughest month schedule-wise.