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Dumping Them Out: The Karl Malone Award

Giphy Images.
Giphy Images.

Welcome back to another episode of Dumping Them Out. First things first, thank you very very much to everyone who watched Barstool Investigates, Episode 1: Ben Mintz.

I thought I would share one funny part of the Mintzy investigation that did not make the cut. We didn't have quite enough footage of it to make it fit the story line, so we didn't end up including it, but I think Fasoli might try to find part of it that we can put out as a blooper. 

On Monday afternoon before the Megan Makin Money interview, we got a call from Tommy Smokes. He's like, "Hey are you guys spying on Mintzy this week? Just so you know, Mintzy found out that we're doing Storm Chasers at Ole Miss tomorrow, and he says he's going to come."

It's like a 5 hour drive from New Orleans to Oxford, Mississippi. I was actually excited about it at first. I thought following Mintzy to Ole Miss would be kind of hilarious. But Fasoli was pissed, because we had our interviews lined up for Tuesday, and a whole plan for the video in general. I believe there is some footage Fasoli and I yelling at each other with Tommy on speaker phone. There was a good 4 or 5 hours where we thought we were going to have to change the whole video to follow Mintzy across the state. It ended up being all for not, because Mintzy didn't have a car in the first place. I don't know if he thought he would just teleport there or what. Either way, I'm glad he didn't go. I think the video worked out better that way.

But anyways, thanks to everyone who watched. It's still crazy to me that anybody watches or reads the content I put out. Not sure if I'll ever get used to it. I'm extremely thankful. Hopefully Episode 2 will be even better.

Giphy Images.
Giphy Images.

I was laughing yesterday at the award for the best Power Forward in College Basketball being called The Karl Malone Award. If you're unfamiliar was the stylings of Karl Malone, he was a phenomenal Power Forward, but an all-time terrible person. He got a 13-year old girl pregnant when he was in college. He refused to play basketball with Magic Johnson when he was HIV positive. He also might have tried to lead a strike against Magic Johnson returning to the league. 

If you hear him talk for more than a few minutes, you'll understand why people hate him. He's just a very arrogant, unlikeable dude. We've reached the point that when you bring up the name Karl Malone, people mention much of an asshole he is before they mention his career as a player. Anyways, Indiana Hoosiers' Power Forward Trayce Jackson-Davis won the Karl Malone Award yesterday. I know this isn't how the ceremony goes (I'm not even sure if there is a ceremony) but I was laughing at the idea of Karl Malone presenting the award. 

Karl Malone takes the podium and waxes poetically about how much Trayce Jackson-Davis reminds him of himself. How he embodies the spirit of Karl Malone, both on and off the court. How for the rest of his life, Trayce Jackson-Davis' name will be synonymous with the great Karl Malone. Then Trayce has to walk up to shake his hand, accept the award and be polite. 

After the ceremony, Karl Malone invites him to dinner, and Trayce feels inclined to go. They go to a fancy steakhouse, and Karl Malone behaves inappropriately the whole time. He chews obnoxiously with his mouth open, wipes his face on the table cloth, tries to smoke a cigar at the table, etc. At one point he yells across the restaurant at the waitress to bring him ketchup for his steak. The waitress says they don't have ketchup, so Karl Malone makes a scene until she eventually has to go buy some from the Walgreen down the block. When she delivers the ketchup, Karl Malone slaps her on the ass and says, "Thanks, toots." 

After they finish their food, Karl Malone declares that his steak was overcooked and he will not be paying for the meal. He stands up and walks out of the restaurant. Trayce Jackson-Davis is forced to pay, but when he hands the waitress his credit card, Karl Malone storms back into the restaurant and says, "Don't give that bitch your money! Karl Malone Award winners don't pay for no steaks!". Soon the cops show up and there's a whole altercation between Karl Malone and the police. etc. etc.

So that was making me laugh. Congrats on the Karl Malone Award, Trayce. I'm sorry they don't just name it after Tim Duncan.

Giphy Images.

I came across this video on Reddit today. Bicycle racing makes for the best crashing in all of sports, and I don't think it's particularly close.

So much carnage, and so little protection for the bikers. They're all so close together. One person falls, and it's game over for half the field. Skin to concrete. I assume that cutting in front of the entire field, taking out one of the leaders, and causing a 100 person crash is frowned upon in the bike racing community, but I tip my hat to this man. I'm not sure if he gets a penalty for that or anything, but if he isn't penalized, then that's fair game in my book. If they don't want that to happen then change the rule.

Speaking of bikers, I almost got smoked by one the other day. The biker screamed at me like I was the asshole, but I'm pretty sure he would have been at fault. Here's a diagram of the situation (note: the cars along the right side are parked).

So as you can see, I was not crossing at a crosswalk, so I guess I will take a little bit of blame for that. There were no cars coming, so I just went for it. That's not a crazy move or anything.  I also had my head completely buried in my phone. I fully admit if I were paying more attention, I would not have almost been smoked. The parked cars hurt the visibility a little bit as well. But that's aside the point. You're not supposed to bike on the sidewalk in NYC. It's literally illegal.

And you're definitely you're not supposed to be flying down the sidewalk like this guy was. Anyways, when I hit the sidewalk, this dude whizzes past me and yells, "WHAT THE FUCK MAN I ALMOST SMOKED YOU!"

I'm not trying to go at war with cyclists or anything. I think that's been done plenty at Barstool. But fuck you to this particular biker. Sure, I should have been paying more attention. But I shouldn't have to be worried about getting smoked by a bike when I'm on the sidewalk. Sidewalks are for walking. In hindsight, I'm pissed he didn't hit me. I might have caught a bag.