Fellas You Should Own A Tuxedo And Stop Being Gross
On this week's earlier episode of Zero Blog Thirty we talked about the merits of potentially banning TikTok but more importantly I brought something to everyone's attention - men over the age of 30 should own a tuxedo. Period stop. Why do you ask?
Before I answer, go buy a shirt.
You should own a tux because you're going to need it.
I got a lot of blowback for this stance but that is understandable. I think many of you fall in line with the White Sox Dave way of life - gross disgusting humans who won't find themselves invited to settings where a tux is required. You know what? Why not aspire to be better. We used to be a proper country. Men dressed well and presented themselves like they had a purpose in life. Now you have people who think it's okay to wear a hoodie to a nice restaurant. Once again, looking at you WSD you cretin. For those of you in the military or Veterans, you've worn the equivalent to a tuxedo and you can't tell me you didn't feel like a million bucks.
Here are some of the arguments I heard this week and my rebuttal:
- People who force you to wear black tie to a wedding are terrible friends - Ummm what? You know who the people are that have black tie weddings? Wealthy people. You know what wealthy people have at their weddings? Excellent food, a great band, and a top shelf event. If you get invited to a black tie wedding, buckle up because Uncle Frank is going to be liquored up and telling stories.
- It is easier to rent one - rentals don't fit and you look like a billowing parachute in the wind. Having a bespoke tux (or suit for that matter) is an instant mood booster. Some of you will scoff at that but I promise no one ever left a suit fitting with a frown. Not to mention nothing looks worse than an ill-fitting suit.
- I never wear a tux - Think about your favorite cause. Start a charity for it. Host a gala once a year to raise money. Boom, there's one event every year that requires a tux. From there, you'll be in the philanthropy circuit and be invited to other galas. Before you know it, you need a tux 5 times per year.
- Cons you're just a snooty officer - Maybe? But who wouldn't want to take any opportunity they can get to look like this a few times per year?
I like being trashy - This was actually just a text from White Sox Dave who is a lost cause
Listen, guys, let's collectively strive to be better. It starts with how we present ourselves to the world. I'm not suggesting we revert to the Mad Men era and wear suits every day. But there is nothing wrong with having some class and wanting to look nice from time to time. Bring back wanting to be a gentleman. Maybe I can get Large on board and we can show you the way together. Perhaps we could call it Officer And A Gentleman.