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Justin Verlander Has Been Placed On The IL With Something Called A Teres Major Strain Because The Baseball Gods Are Fuckheads That Won't Let Mets Fans Enjoy Anything, Even Opening Day


I mean what the fuck man? Can't us Mets fans just enjoy Opening Day and say all the catch phrases every other fanbase says about hope springing anew before the hammer drops on us yet again? Is that too much to ask? Or at least announce this injury after the game is over or even tomorrow morning.

Instead I am going to see this old Family Guy clip on my timeline on what is supposed to be the best day of the baseball season.

When the Mets signed Verlander as a deGrom replacement, I didn't think he'd even replace deGrom's injuries dropping out of nowhere. Speaking of which, I should responsibly bet on the Barstool Sportsbook that deGrom pitches an absolute gem for the Rangers the day heis replacement lands on the IL since that feels extremely Metsy. 

Verlander didn't sound too concerned when talking about his injury, which is apparently a muscle in the armpit?

Alright enough feeling sorry for ourselves. Big Drip McGill is back replacing a former Cy Young winner just like he did during last year's 101 win season. Just put Verlander in bubble wrap for a week and tell Kate Upton no tickle fights for a month or so and everything should be fine, right? Right! LFGM, see you bitches in the Century Club when we win another 100 games.

Now get this sick fuck on the mound after making sure his Teres Major/Minor/etc. are all fucking humming because he has to brighten the spirits of millions of my brothers and sisters that have chosen the sick life of rooting for the Metropolitans.