Travis Kelce Hilariously Struggled To Name All The NFL Head Coaches From That Awkward Annual Picture
In case you've been living under a rock, Big Cat broke down the NFL coaches portrait and has pretty much stayed near the top of the blog all week long. That's how good it is. I wasn't paid to say this I'm just currently using a third-party hotspot in an unknown location with my clothes stripped off and a throbbing headache I don't know how I got here please send help
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This clip comes from Kelce's New Heights podcast with his brother Jason, and it's absolutely hysterical.
Doesn't it pay to know your competition in the NFL, or in any profession? How does Travis Kelce not have any clue about who some of these dudes are? Even if he's allegedly "bad with names" or whatever.
No really, to be fair, when you're missing three of the head coaches, that makes it tougher. As does the fact that they're wildly varying in their efforts to make themselves look presentable. Then you factor in the less-familiar faces among the newbies and it becomes harder than you'd expect to identify all of them.
I'll give Kelce credit for one thing: He seemed to fare better on the bottom row. Then again, there are some real layups there. What an easy run it is (from right to left) between Pete Carroll, John Harbaugh, Bill Belichick, Andy Reid, Ron Rivera, Sean Payton, and Sean McVay. Could argue Matt LaFleur is almost as recognizable by the masses, if not nearly as accomplished or experienced.
But oh man. For someone who grew up in Cleveland and went to college at Cincinnati, Kelce's most hilarious material came from his failure to call out Bengals boss Zac Taylor and the Browns' Kevin Stefanski. I was going to make a cheeky headline about how Kelce deliberately blocked out Taylor from his mind because, you know, the Bengals own prime real estate in the Chiefs' psyches. THEN Kelce came around and gave Zac his props, so no harm, no foul there. Here's that exchange transcribed (Using "J" and "T" for short, edited for concision and clarity):
"T: Who's next to Dougy P? Who the fuck is that one?
J: You should definitely know that one.
T: That one's DeMeco [Ryans], who's the other one?
J: You should know him, 'cause he's arguably your biggest rival.
T: OH that is…that's Cincy. He's a DOG. What's his name…hold on hold on. What's his name…? (x4) …That's uhh…that's Coach!
J: Oh my god, this is so good.
T: I told you I was terrible with names.
J: You are. You're bad with names. Zac Taylor!
T: ZAH. Taylor. I knew it was a 'T'. FUCK. I'm sorry, Coach Taylor."
The Stefanski thing, though? I was dying.
"There's no way, man. There's no way that guy coaches in the NFL."
Apparently Kelce hasn't kept up much with Ohio football since he was drafted by Kansas City. Can hardly blame him. It's been years of fuckery, suckery and ineptitude for both franchises up until a few years ago. One fluky, abbreviated Browns playoff run aside, Joe Burrow's arrival in Cincinnati was when everything really started to change NFL-wise in the Buckeye State.
I will say I agree with Kelce's assessment of Stefanski. Anyone who projects the type of inhumanity Stefanski and GM Andrew Berry have throughout the whole Deshaun Watson debacle deserves to be fired. Hell, I'm sure lots of Dawg Pound faithful want Stefanski axed anyway after he went 7-10 last season. I know one of our resident bloggers wants him gone (to no avail).
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Reality is, Stefanski and Berry have had to awkwardly go to bat for the latest dumbass decision owner Jimmy Haslam made re: Watson. Even their Ivy League degrees didn't prepare them for that shitstorm. I love how Stefanski and Berry try to act like everything's cool/normal and they've got it all under control. You know they're quaking, shaken to their core and repulsed on the inside. Or at the very least, they were at first.
But let's not stray too far from Travis Kelce and the NFL head coaches photo. Read Big Cat's blog. Check out the Pardon My Take clip below, along with my post from earlier this week about how Kelce's soul is crushed by Orlando Brown Jr. signing with the Bengals. Enjoy.
Twitter @MattFitz_gerald/TikTok