I Wore a Helmet on a First Date and It Was Extremely Awkward
I really hope that my date doesn’t see this post, because I keep promising him that I don’t normally air out my dating life on social media, but at some point he’s not gonna believe me. By now I’ve talked about him and this date with him on Instagram, Tik Tok, Twitter, YouTube, the Podcast, and now I’m blogging about it. Sorry Helmet Boy.
Basically, I got myself into this situation due to some very intricate technical difficulties that you non-producers wouldn’t even understand.
It was Ari Shaffir’s Answer The Internet video that I forgot to record, and to make matters even worse, it was hilarious. Not that any of you are ever gonna know lol. Sorry.
A normal job - with a normal HR department - would have given me a slap on the wrist, maybe a meeting or two, and gone about their day. But this is Barstool, and Barstool doesn’t play like that.
Instead, my two lovely bosses, KFC and Feitelberg, sentenced me to one week of wearing a bicycle helmet everywhere I go.
I will say, although it’s an abnormally wide helmet, Kevin and Feits picked something pretty sleek. But at the end of the day, a helmet is a helmet and you’re gonna look nerdy no matter how sleek it is.
KFC and Feits with their kind hearts will nice enough to include a punishment termination clause- If I wore the helmet on a first date (with someone cute who I’d normally go on a date with), it would end my week-long sentence. Additionally, the rules were also that I could not tell him the truth about why I was wearing the helmet and had to act like it was completely normal for me to be wearing it so casually on a first date.
Honestly, I think I could have gone the whole week in the helmet, but since they brought up the idea of the helmet date on the pod, and since I’m a champ, I knew that I would kinda be a pussy if I didn't go on a date.
So I went on the date. Good news: I actually remembered to hit record for the footage of the date. Bad News: I was extremely awkward about it, and I’m gonna warn you it’s EXTREMELY cringe to watch.
I was so nervous, I don’t know why all I could think to say was “ya ya ya”. Also, at the time, I thought the titty cam was VERY subtle, but after showing it to the KFC Radio team, I am realizing it was, in fact, not subtle at all.
I feel as though the type of people reading the Barstool blog are not the type to care about how my date actually went, but here is the date recap for those of you that may care.
I'm happy to report that there is a second date this week, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he ends it soon considering how I won't shut up about this date on social media. But that's business baby.
KFC and Feits also cut a deal with me that if I continued to wear it into the weekend, aka in bars and clubs, in addition to the date, they would reward me in some way. Here are how those negotiations went:
I meant to seize the day and really run up the bill, but my friends and I got sloppy drunk on around $300 worth of drinks, so we had to call it a night once I started putting the helmet under my shirt to try to look like a pregnant person. But, KFC if you're reading this, here is a shitty collage proving that I wore it all weekend (plus some friends)
Anyways, I may not be very good at producing, or even at pressing a singular button, but I’m at least a hell of a good sport when it comes to a punishment. And at Barstool, I think that’s actually worth something.
But also if Kevin and Feits are seeing this… I'm just kidding I’m a great producer and this won’t happen again. Sorry bout the whole Ari thing!!
Watch the recap and full KFC Radio Here: