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The Eagles Are Officially Bringing Back The Kelly Green Uniforms, And The Rest Of The NFL Is Officially Going To Get Their Asses Kicked

Al Tielemans. Getty Images.

This doesn't necessarily come as a surprise. The whispers have been in the air for quite some time now that the Eagles were planning on bringing back kelly green uniforms at some point. It's been rumored forever, but excuse me if we've grown a bit accustomed to massive disappointment when it comes to Philly sports over the last year or so. The Phillies make it to the World Series, lose. The Union make it to the MLS Final, lose. The Eagles make it to the Super Bowl, lose. So I wasn't going to believe the Eagles were actually bringing back the kelly greens until we got the official word. 

Now we can finally get excited. 

I've said it once, I've said it twice, I've probably said it at least 27-34 times. The phrase "look good, feel good, play good" is a scientifically proven concept. It's a theory which is based on factual evidence. And in order to play the best, you need to feel the best. And in order to feel the best, you need to look the best. And I'm telling you right now, there won't be a single team on God's kelly green Earth who will look better than the Eagles do in these kelly green uniforms. 

The Buffalo Bills? Dead. The San Francisco 49ers? Dead. The Minnesota Vikings? Dead. The Arizona Cardinals? Dead. The Miami Dolphins? Dead. The Dallas Cowboys? Dead. The Washington Commanders? Dead. The New York Giants? Dead. Quite literally any team that has to face this Eagles team while they're wearing kelly green? Draw a line of chalk around them and call up the coroner, because those bitches are as good as dead. 

And this is just the beginning. If you think the Eagles are going to stop at just having kelly green back as an alternate uniform, you are dumber than a Bosa. Eventually they'll go back to them full time, and then the entire league is going to get their collective ass so thoroughly whooped it'll cause an national ass shortage. Birds by 31 on a weekly basis. 

Sidenote: The best way to unveil the new uniforms would be during the Jalen Hurts contract extension announcement. Just a free idea for the media and marketing folks over at NovaCare complex.