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You Know Your Estranged Wife, The One Who Has A Restraining Order Out Against You, Probably Not A Good Idea To Send Her 18 Pizzas And Slash Her Tires


A man has been charged with felony stalking after authorities said he spent hours placing phony orders for pizza for his estranged wife. Prosecutors said that, in one day, the man placed orders for 18 pizzas at four Schaumburg-area restaurants, claiming they had been ordered by his estranged wife, who had received an order of protection against him. Bryant Smith, 47, of Lake in the Hills, was charged with aggravated stalking, a felony.

Police were alerted after the woman reported receiving calls and emails from pizzerias seeking to confirm she had placed the pizza orders. Police eventually tracked the orders, which had been placed online, to Smith’s computer. During his bond hearing, Smith uttered the word “bitch” and spit on the floor while McCarthy was reading charges against him, prompting the judge, Jill Cerone-Marisie, to admonish him.


First of all, I hate the term “stalking”. Such an ugly ugly word. Illicits negative connotations of some freak weirdo who needs a restraining order and is a threat to society. Felony Stalking, gross. Why don’t we say Bryant Smith “took an interest” in his ex-wife. An interest is kind of cool. Could mean anything. Went on a first date. Wants to sniff her hair. Pretends to be internet dating. Wants to lock her in his basement. Sent her 18 pizzas. All those things are just taking an interest in someone.


Second, and here’s the important part, why the fuck would anyone ever take an interest in their ex-wife? What the fuck are you doing man? You don’t take an interest in someone you’ve already fucked for years on end. Who does that? When taking an interest in someone you have to pick someone who is hot, someone who has a ton of internet pictures of themselves, someone you can converse with over facebook, twitter, your blog etc. You don’t send 18 pizzas to your ugly ex wife and slash her tires. That’s just being a desperate pussy. Clean it up Bryant. You’re better than this. We’re better than this.



I don’t even understand the pizza prank? I mean I guess it would suck to have to pay for the pizza but who would actually be pissed to have pizza delivered to them? Oh no, wouldn’t want to eat all this delicious Pizza Bryant, you really Punked me. Why don’t you really prove a point and send me a 30 of budweiser and a handle of jack. That would really be a zinger!