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Sam Burns Knows That Uncrustables Are The Best Golf Course Snack There Ever Was

First and foremost, let me put a Jordie's Disclaimer out there that this is in no way an ad. I wish it was because I'd love nothing more than to get paid to hammer back a few Uncrustables every day. But my pockets are empty on this one. 

Second and foremost, I'm a firm believer that every golf course in America needs a halfway house with a self-checkout kiosk that has at least these two things--a refrigerator filled with canned Gatorade, and a refrigerator filled with Uncrustables. If you want another section for some beer and pre-made sandwiches/wraps, that's fine with me. But almost nothing in the world beats the canned Gato and Uncrustable at the turn. It's the perfect snack at the perfect moment in the perfect place. A hot dog is great if you want to deal with greasy hands for the next 3 holes and having to shit by the time you hit 14 fairway. 

The thing that makes the Uncrustable so magical is its damn near perfect ratio of peanut butter to jelly. No thrills, no frills. Just absolutely nailing the fundamentals of what makes a PB&J so spectacular. You either throw a few of them in the cooler if you're driving around on a cart, or you figure out another way to keep them chilled if you're going out to walk 18. There's definitely a perfect temperature to enjoy an Uncrustable. I haven't done the science on it yet and haven't broken it down to an exact temperature. But it's definitely just above frozen. I'd imagine somewhere in that 40° range. Warm enough that you can still sink your teeth into it, but cold enough that nothing drips out. 

Moral of the story here is that Sam Burns knows how to snack on the course, and that's why he just smacked the shit out of Cam Young on his way to the Finals of the Dell Technologies Match Play event.