UPDATE: I wrote this entire blog thinking we were talking about Dick Clark. This is not about Dick Clark.
Hollywood legend Dick Van Dyke reportedly lost control of his car and crashed into a gate on Wednesday morning, TMZ first reported.
The 97-year-old is said to have lost control of the wheel of his Lexus over wet streets in Malibu, California, recently drenched by rain.
Bruised and bloodied, the Mary Poppins star appears to have only suffered "minor injuries", police said.
He was treated at the scene by medics and then brought home by a friend.
Police officers have said drugs and alcohol are not suspected to be involved in the accident.
However, it has been reported that police submitted documents to the Department of Motor Vehicles for him to retake his driving test, due to his near-centenarian status.
First of all, glad Dick and everyone else in Malibu are okay. That being said - what the FUCK does this man still have a license for? I don't want to sound like I'm shaming old people, I'm sure there are some lucid/responsible 97 year olds out there who eat nothing but kale and run 30 miles a day, but Dick Van Dyke is not one of them. The only time we ever see him these days are when Ryan Seacrest wheels him out at the end of the NYE celebration, which Ryan now puts on, because Dick is...too old. Is it crazy to say that if you can't host NY Rockin' Eve, you can't drive a car either?
To show that I'm not just hating on an old man, Dick Van Dyke has been in MULTIPLE issues concerning driving and cars before:
This is not the actor's first close call. In 2013, he was rescued from a burning car on the California freeway. He did not sustain any serious injuries.
He later humorously tweeted a picture of the burned-out car with the caption: "Used Jag for sale REAL CHEAP!!"
In 2010, in an interview with Craig Ferguson, the then-84-year-old recalled an incident where he drifted out to sea after he fell asleep atop his surfboard. In an incident that could have been a scene cut from Mary Poppins: Beach Vacation, he said a group of friendly porpoises helped push his board closer to shore.
THIS MAN SET A CAR ON FIRE! He floated out to sea on a surfboard! He's losing his marbles, and that's FINE. HE'S ALMOST 100 YEARS OLD. I hope my marbles are gone by like, 80 and someone I pay handsomely can take care of me while I drift off into death. I don't need to be putting other people's lives in jeopardy on the road/in the open sea just because I want to take a joyride.