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Peeing On The Golf Course Is One Of The Finest Joys Of Nature

I'm a firm believer that all golf courses are meant to get whizzed on. Golf etiquette be damned when it comes to urination stations. Doesn't matter if you're at your local muni or Augusta National. Golf courses are essentially just massive public bathrooms if you really think about it. It's the way that god intended them to be used when he invented golf. 

Honestly that's a pretty big factor for me when I'm judging a course for the first time. What kind of whiz opportunities does the course provide? Can I pee whenever nature calls, or am I going to have my bladder on the brink of exploding as I race into the clubhouse at the turn? There's nothing worse than a 5-hole stretch with barely any trees after you've just deleted one (1) great tasting, less filling, ice cold Miller Lite per hole. It's not like you can just be a barbarian and piss anywhere you want. You need to wait for a tee box that provides some extra shrubbery for privacy. You need to wait until you power fade one into the trees. You know you're not going to find your ball in there and you should have just hit a provisional, but the potty break is a necessity. I couldn't give less of a shit about the green undulation of a course if I'm spending half the round having to hold in my pee because every hole is lined by a bunch of backyards, ya know?


The moral of the story here is that we shouldn't be shaming folks like Sergio Garcia for (allegedly) peeing on the course. It makes you feel like you're one with nature. Why would there be any trees at all on a golf course if not for you to use them as a spot to work on your short game a bit, take out that pecker of yours and give it a quick soak? I rest my case.