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Russian Mercenaries Are Using Porn (Videos of Adults Having Sex) To Recruit New Cannon Fodder To The Front Lines

GABRIEL BOUYS. Getty Images.

Russian mercenary group Wagner has launched a short-lived recruitment drive on PornHub, urging men to “stop masturbating and go to the front.”

 The ads, reported on multiple Russian Telegram channels, have already been taken down by the porn site.

 The video ad proclaimed: "We are the f*cking greatest private military company in the world, stop masturbating and go to the front!"

 Another tagline read: “Take the other barrel in your hand.”

The first thing that needs mentioning is the fella above looking directly down the scope of a butthole. Hell, this dude has probably memorized the number of spokes on her asshole while also getting aroused. A back arched like a Mcdonald's logo will get the ole genitals moving around. Trust me. It's hard to not be hard in that situation. 

However, there is some danger on the porn set. One of those dangers is Naz-adjacent paramilitary groups like Wagner. Those are some sick, sick puppies that are now using sweater puppies to lure in the vagabonds on the outskirts of human decency. 

Our military here in the ole USA is struggling to recruit new military members and our folks aren't even dying at WWII-type levels.  Our folks just like TikTok and weed. That's not the case for the Wagner Group. Hell, last month there was one week where the Russian army surpassed the entire number of KIA that we had over the span of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Spoiler: that's a ton of deaths in one week. 

That being said, it's important to note that using pornography or other sexually explicit content to recruit individuals for military or mercenary groups is not appropriate or ethical but I'd be lying if I said it wouldn't be fun. 

Imagine that ad when you are just about to finish (nut) and the next thing you know you see some casual war crime doers just holding their AKs and asking you to join them on their quest to commit crimes against humanity. Wanna see your boner disappear faster than it does in Lake Michigan in the middle of winter? Look at the Wagner dudes when you're about to cum. Your cumming ability would be reduced like you're on my old regimen of antidepressants. 

Recruiting via porn can exploit vulnerable individuals, perpetuate harmful stereotypes, and promote a culture of sexual harassment and abuse while also fucking up your pornhub algorithm which is a travesty the likes of which have never been seen. It takes years to curate the perfect porn-suggested list. You don't wanna see DP if you aren't into that thing. Cum on face compilations might make you sad. Doggy style could make your back hurt. You just never know what's going on inside the brain of a horny person and that shouldn't be interrupted by blood-thirty, bearded goons. 

So, if you're horny and vacationing in Russia, download your own porn before you get there. Otherwise, you could be staring down the barrel of a US-supplied weapon instead of that beautiful, beautiful butthole that we were talking about at the jump.