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The Phillie Phanatic Is Now Attempting To Assault Players With Hot Dogs, Must Be Stopped

Rich Schultz. Getty Images.

Listen. I get that it's spring training for everyone. I get that mistakes happen. But are we really about to give the Phillie Phanatic the benefit of the doubt here? Not a goddamn chance. This man is a menace and he is a threat to society. He knew exactly what he was doing here and the only "mistake" he made is that he didn't actually drill Griff McGarry. Let's not forget that this wouldn't be the first time he sniped someone with a glizzy. 

Look at that poor lady's face. She got FUCKED UP by that pork missile. Looks like she just got done going 15 rounds with Apollo Creed. A direct shot to the eye and the Phanatic didn't even lose a minute of sleep over it. 

He got a taste for blood. He knew he could drill a fan in the face without any consequences for his actions. So like any other psychopath, he decided it's time to dial it up a bit. Smoking fans in the dome doesn't do the trick for him anymore. Doesn't get his blood flowing the way it used to. So now it's time to turn his wrath towards the players. 

He started off with Griff McGarry this week down in Clearwater. If we're being totally honest, the Phillies would be perfectly fine without Griff McGarry this season. I don't think their World Series hopes and aspirations hang on the health of Griff McGarry. But again, this is just a start for the Phanatic. First he'll try to take out a couple prospects with the hot dog cannon, next thing you know he's got the heat seeking grease rocket pointed directly at Bryce Harper or Trea Turner. 

So we need to stop the Phanatic right now before this gets out of hand. The fate of the Fightins depends on it. 

@JordieBarstool