Surviving Barstool | Ep. 4 Premieres Monday (12/4) at 8PM ETWATCH EP. 1-3 NOW

The Sixers Need To Trade Whoever Is In Charge Of Operating The Clock

Mitchell Leff. Getty Images.

Winning a championship obviously takes star talent. You need those elite caliber guys who give you a chance to win every single time your team takes the floor. But they are just a small piece of the puzzle. If you want to win championships, it takes everybody. It takes the superstar talents. It takes the role players. It takes the coaches. It takes the scouting department. It takes the trainers. And most importantly, it takes the fucking guy running the clock on your home court. 

I mean what are we even doing here? Tatum comes down and hits a monster 3 with less than 2 seconds to go in regulation. Obviously at this point the Sixers need every extra millisecond they can get. Whatever happened to some good old fashioned home cooking? Just hold off an extra half second before starting the clock again, and this bitch is going to overtime. An extra half second and this shot goes down as a career defining moment for Joel Embiid. 

Instead, the dickhead running the clock had to start it right away and now we get the most Philly ended there ever was. 

Now I'll be honest here. I'm not entirely sure if teams employ their own clock operators or if they are designated by the league. If this is a Sixers employee, well then they need to be traded to the Bolivian league by lunchtime today. If it's a league employee, well then we need to launch a formal investigation here because I'm sure that fuckery was afoot somehow. Maybe they let an extra half second run off the clock earlier in the half. Maybe they were a tenth of a second slow to stop the clock after that Tatum 3. Either way, we need to get to the bottom of this. All we need to do is follow the money trail. Get me the bank statements of that clock operator. 

Sidenote: I feel like the majority of Philly fans get it by now. But if you're a Philly fan who is somehow upset at the fact that DeVonta Smith--who grew up over a thousand miles away from Philly--isn't a Sixers fan, then you have a confirmed case of donkey brains.