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Google, A $1 Trillion Company, Is Asking Employees To Share Desks

Giphy Images.

Google out here acting like it's Erlich Bachman's hacker hostel…

Just when Alphabet (aka Google) employees probably didn't think it could get much worse than the disastrous launch of its Bing AI competitor, Bard… it did. The company, which did more than $280B in revenue last year told employees that it'll need to start sharing desks…

CNBC - Google is asking cloud employees and partners to share their desks and alternate days with their desk mates starting next quarter, citing “real estate efficiency,” CNBC has learned.

The new desk-sharing model will apply to Google Cloud’s five largest U.S. locations — Kirkland, Washington; New York City; San Francisco; Seattle; and Sunnyvale, California — and is happening so the company “can continue to invest in Cloud’s growth,” according to an internal FAQ recently shared with cloud employees and viewed by CNBC. Some buildings will be vacated as a result, the document noted.

It appears that times are tough over at Google. You might recall that it recently laid off ~12,000 employees, most of whom found out when they attempted to get into the building, but access was denied. And now the company is trying to realize "real estate efficiencies."

But, wait, it gets so much worse. The rollout appears to have been coordinated by a college admission office. And not a college Francis went to…

CNBC - “Most Googlers will now share a desk with one other Googler,” the internal document stated, noting they expect employees to come in on alternate days so they’re not at the same desk on the same day. “Through the matching process, they will agree on a basic desk setup and establish norms with their desk partner and teams to ensure a positive experience in the new shared environment.”

The FAQ says employees may come in on other days, but if they’re in on an unassigned day, they will use “overflow drop-in space.”

Goddamn, I almost feel bad for all the assholes making day in the life videos. This is some straight-up grade school stuff. The buddy system is in full effect at Google. That should empower employees.

Just imagine if you get some shithead as your desk mate. The kinda guy who leaves pictures of his ugly kids. Or worse… leaves crumbs from all the free snacks.

Bad look for Google.

PS - The Internship 2 starring Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson just writes itself…

PPS - Jack Mac, the King of TikTok joined Large and I in studio for the latest episode of The Family Office. We chatted about all the important things: TikTok "dating," China stealing our data, the state of crypto/Jack Mac's crypto portfolio, and what he thinks the Family Office portfolio should invest in. You can watch it right now…

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