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An English Psychologist Released A Study With 4 Life Tips To Make You Happy, Let's Break Them Down

(DAILY MAIL

A psychologist has shared her four tips to give you the best chance of becoming happy.

Staying active, prioritising family and friends, practising gratitude and cuddling a pet are all key to feeling content.

That is, at least, according to Lowri Dowthwaite-Walsh, a lecturer in psychological interventions at the University of Central Lancashire.

I love these types of studies, and I love them because of the laugh factor they provide, as they're always performed by some doctor with a wall full of diplomas that don't have a grip on how the real world works. Let's just cut to the chase and get straight to brass tacks by breaking down this doctor's study word for word. 

Here are doctor Dowthwaite-Walsh's 4 keys to being happy:

1. MOVE YOUR BODY:

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Uhhhh yeah, no. This one coach tried to put me on a weight training program and I'm all like, "you and your weights can fuck off somewhere. I'm not lifting that shit. It's heavy. You tell me why I need strength training when I'm strong enough to throw a goddamn 91MPH pitch.

Fuck. That.

Kenny Powers was a wise man. Lifting heavy shit is the WORST. As is moving around. Ya know what makes me happy? Being completely sedentary. The best part of my week is Sunday afternoons when I'm alone, on the couch, with a family sized pizza on my coffee table that I devour over the course of 4-5 hours. Simply thinking about moving my body gives me a cold shiver down my spine. 

2. Prioritize Connection: 

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In this part of the study, Dr. Dowthwaite-Walsh isn't just talking about romantic relationships. She's talking about ALL relationships, and to her defense, this is one I can get behind… but only to an extent. 

For instance, I'll go weeks on end without talking to my dad. It's a sort of unwritten rule we have in our relationship. He typically doesn't wanna talk to me and I typically don't want to talk to him, and it's because we're both assholes who hate everything and everyone around us. If we tried to force convo we'd hate each other's guts, but we don't, so we don't. 

This goes for everyone else in my circle. Chit chatting stinks out loud. Like… don't even think about sending me a text or shooting me a call to "catch up". I don't want to catch up with you. If I wanted to, we'd have already caught up. I don't, so we haven't. 

On the other hand, I like to go out, bullshit and tell stories with the fellas over 12-14 beers. But that's like once every 2-3 weeks. I'm not a complete hermit, but I'm not gonna force being some social butterfly. I'll sit right in the meaty part of the bell curve, thank you very much.

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3. Practice Gratitude: 

Yeah, no thanks. How about I continue to practice bitching about my shortcomings? I am not what you would call a handsome man. The good Lord chose not to bless me with… with charm, athletic ability… or a fully functional brain. You see, you're an inspriation, to all of us who… who weren't born handsome, and charming and cool, and and…

If it weren't for me being 5'7", I'd be a pro athlete in at least 2 sports right now, baseball and football. But god chose to smite me with dog shit genetics, on top of smiting me with dog shit everything else. I'm not gonna focus on the good things in life and be thankful for them, because those good things are few and far between. I'd be thanking exceptions to the rule that I'm a degenerate illiterate that can't walk and chew gum at the same time.

4. Spend Time With Pets:

BOOM!!! Dr. whatever her named NAILED IT!!! Here's a little montage of my dog Ace:

In Ace's instance, the apple fell VERY far from the tree. He's insanely handsome, well-behaved, and smart. I'm not just saying because he's my dog though, I'm saying it because it's the truth. He's the most low maintenance dog I've ever had. An angel brimming with personality, good looks and athleticism. I got him in December of the pandemic and he's reason numero uno why I have no problem 1. not working out (other than to walk him to the park) or 2. prioritizing connections or 3. practicing gratitude (other than being thankful for Ace himself). I have no issue AT ALL to stay in, chill with Ace and avoid human contact these days, and if you are like me and hating human contact unless it's 3am after a day of day drinking, I'd recommend adopting a dog too. 

In the end, this study is just like any other study of its ilk: half assed. Which, to me, is fine. Obviously.