If You Think Your Job Is Tough, Imagine Being A Barstool Sports Employee Wondering Whether Rihanna Was Pregnant Or Not During Her Performance Last Night

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I was at a Super Bowl party last night and like all red blooded, truck loving, meat eating, manly men, we couldn't wait for the Rihanna halftime show. I mean all Rihanna has is a catalogue of banger after banger after banger. So when she finally took to the floating stage and started her performance, we couldn't help but notice something was a bit off. About 3 minutes into the show, the fella to my left said "I think Rihanna is pregnant" to which I let out the most instinctual "NOOOOOOO, CAN'T SAY THAT!" you've ever heard in your life. Because from over the years my brain is programmed for 3 things- can't promote illegal or irresponsible gambling, can't be racist or sexist, and you cannot, under any circumstances, discuss Rihanna's body. No, no, and absolutely hell fucking no. 

But as the show continued and us manly men were toe tappin and finger snappin to RiRi, it became more and more clear- there was a BABY in there! The Barstool group chats lit up with everyone wondering the same thing- can we question if she's pregnant? Can we send a tweet? What are we supposed to do here?! Everyone saw their jobs flash before their eyes…but also saw a baby bump in front of them. It was like living in the Matrix with no way out. 

Looking back on it, I think she wanted the world to know without any question that she was with child. But you know, jumping to that conclusion has dire consequences if you're wrong. So we waited with baited breath, before, alas

PHEW.

The weight of 1,000 builders were lifted off our shoulders. Us manly men paused for a second from discussing our stock portfolios and chugging beers to comment how wonderful it is and how happy we are for her.

As for the performance itself, obviously the floating stages were pretty sweet and her songs go so hard it's impossible for it to suck, but objectively speaking it lacked the same pizzaz as previous years shows. But we're never gonna complain about a medley of Rihanna songs…uhhh…said my friend who is a girl….(who I also bang because I'm a manly man).

Next year though? Let's do rock n roll, baby. The Killers in their hometown Vegas, a pop-punk medley with Blink, Fall Out Boy, and Green Day, anddddddd…Doja Cat. Can never go wrong with Doja Cat.