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New Beach Just Dropped: First Ever Public Beach In Manhattan Opening This Summer

NY Post - Coney Island will soon have a new competitor in the West Village. 

This summer, from the same firm that brought New Yorkers the High Line, a brand new riverside retreat will open on the shores of Manhattan — becoming the borough’s first and only public beach. 

“People want a place to lay down and to take their shirt off, and that’s what they’re gonna have here,” Noreen Doyle, CEO of the Hudson River Park Trust, told the Daily Beast of the city’s new Gansevoort Peninsula.   

Gansevoort Peninsula. What a beautiful name. Rolls right off the tongue. 

Gansevoort Peninsula: A tropical paradise in the Meatpacking District of New York City, along the shore of a river that contains more dead bodies than wildlife

They're really pushing this "take your shirt off" narrative. Finally, somewhere other than the subway, or 'literally anywhere else in New York City' where nobody will begrudge you for not wearing a shirt. You don't need to encourage shirtless behavior. It's going to happen whether we like it or not. 

Shirt or no shirt, a public beach in Manhattan is sure to be a fun, clean place where families will gather for an afternoon of relaxation while trying to ignore the homeless person who is either sleeping or dead on the bench 10 feet to their left. 

Unfortunately, for the people fucking psychopaths who were hoping this beach meant they would be able to swim in the Hudson River, that is not case.

NY Post - “The Hudson River has made a huge amount of progress in terms of its health since the Clean Water Act was passed in the 1970s, but this is not designed as a swimming beach,” Doyle told the publication, noting that the lack of swimming has been “clear from the get-go.” 

"What on the agenda for this weekend?" 

"We're gonna keep it pretty lowkey. I think we'll head out to Gansevoort Peninsula and take our shirts off."

"That's awesome. You gonna get in the water?"

"Fuck no. Not until 2028."

NY1 - Across Manhattan and the East River, though, there's a plan to build another beach on the Williamsburg, Brooklyn shoreline. Beachgoers would be able to wade into the water.

“A couple days ago, there were dolphins swimming behind me in the East River. The trajectory of water quality over time is a very sharp improvement,” Two Trees Management director Dave Lombino said.

As for the beach projected to open by 2028, only wading will be allowed, Lombino said, because regulations have stalled plans for swimming. 

"Two days later a pod of dolphins washed up on the shore of Long Island City. They had all grown a second head."

I'm not sure if there's anything the city of New York could say to convince me that their rivers are swimmable. And don't tell me the water is safe for me to "wade in", but not safe for me to go under. If it's not safe enough to dunk my head, then it's not safe. It's all or nothing when it comes to swimming. It's a great idea in theory. It would be awesome if it were safe, and Manhattan was surrounded by clean water and beautiful white sandy beaches. But that's never going to happen. I don't even trust Coney Island. I've never been, but I've watched the Hot Dog Eating Contest, and I've seen Requiem For A Dream. The place is littered with hot dogs and used needles. Plus, if we cleaned up the Hudson River, what would we do with our trash? Just throw it on the sidewalk? That's already full.

Helmut Meyer Zur Capellen. Shutterstock Images.