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LeBron James Says Being A Billionaire Sucks Because He Can't Go To Target And Starbucks All The Time

Almost nothing makes me angrier than the richest people in America lamenting their inability to play poor every once in a while. They don't actually want to live a normal life, they just want to be able to peruse Target or go get a latte at Starbucks — maybe both at once if you live near a good Target — when being ultra wealthy and famous gets to be too much.

I honestly get it, though. Sometimes you come home from playing two games of a four-game road trip — load management is a key part of making $45 million a year to play 82 basketball games — having flown on chartered planes from one Ritz-Carlton to the next and all you want to do is spend a morning sipping a coffee and listening to elevator music in peace. And you can only have your butler get you coffee to enjoy in your Beverly Hills mansion so many times before your mind and body yearn to know what it's like to enjoy a day of anonymity inside a suburban Starbucks.

But if that's what LeBron James really wants, I have a more than fair proposal for him. I will trade his net worth for mine and both of my parents' and give him their suburban home, where he can live out the Target and Starbucks lifestyle for the rest of his days. I haven't asked my parents about this, but I'm confident they, too, will accept this deal. LeBron gets a house in the suburbs where he's free to frequent Target as much as he'd like, while my family and I must endure the struggles of being some of the richest people in the world. I don't know why I'm putting this offer in writing, to be honest. I'm getting fleeced.

Jordan would never cry about being too rich.