Dumping Them Out: Tom Brady Sand vs. Chinese Spy Balloon

John Rich2/06/2023 2:30 AM

Welcome back to another episode of Dumping Them Out. Here are some hot babes in the form of GIFs.

I was thinking earlier about a hypothetical group of guys who use the phrase, "fucked that bitch" unironically in regular conversation.

"Hey Chase, did you fuck that bitch?"
"Oh yeah, I fucked that bitch."
Followed by an emphatic high five

"Hey, what are you doing this weekend?"
"I have a date with Melissa on Friday."
"Are you going to fuck that bitch?"
"Oh yeah, I'll be fucking that bitch after a sushi dinner."

"How was your weekend?"
"Pretty good, I took home a girl from the bar. We watched EDM videos then I fucked that bitch"
"That's really good to hear"

It's vulgar and ridiculous. It only plays in rap songs, or if you're saying it ironically. Not sure why I started out this smut blog white knighting. I guess I figure it's the least I can do.

I'm so fucking deep into the worst parts of TikTok, and I can't get out. I'm fascinated by these people. I almost enjoy it. It's so incredibly bad, and it makes me so angry when I watch them, but I can't stop. It's completely taken over my brain. I think this is the third time I've blogged about them. I can't fucking quit it. My brain is total mush. These people need to be stopped. And yes, I realize I'm probably contributing to the problem every time I screen record one of these. But I need people other than me to experience the pure hell that is whatever the fuck you call this section of TikTok.

I'm sorry. This is the last time I post those. It will never happen again. Unless I decide to fully lean into it and start doing this brand of content for myself. Nobody at Barstool is doing this yet. It's only a matter of time.

Last week Barstool Chicago did a candy draft. If I had been invited onto the draft, here is how I would have won it using only undrafted candies.

Darkside Skittles (They're just Wild Berry Skittles but danker)
Lifesaver Gummies (Wild Berry flavor)
Nerds Gummy Clusters (Nerds Ropes are better but Nerds Gummy Clusters beat 90% of what was drafted)
Sour Punch Straws (Blue, but any flavor would win)
Mini Chewy SweetTarts (are great to mix with Skittles)

Sub in Sprees (regular), Runts, Starburst Gummies, or Root Beer Barrells (I don't know if those qualify but they are also better than half of their picks) and I still win. Appreciate the effort boys. But you don't know gummy candy like I do. I'm on pace to have dentures by age 40.

Here's another TikTok.

The Pro Bowl announcers are being way too serious about the flag football game right now. The AFC ran a trick play and Stephon Diggs got picked off by his brother Trevon Diggs. Kirk Herbstreit said, "He is going to hold that over his brothers head for the rest of his life." Something tells me the Diggs brothers aren't going to put that much stock into this flag football game.

Tom Brady's exact retirement spot sand is for sale on eBay. Unless I'm reading this wrong, this means somebody has already bid $99,900 for the sand, correct?

eBay - References from the Retirement Video were used to locate where Tom Brady was on when he made the retirement announcement.

Only a single sample taken the day of the video (undisturbed) will be sold. A second sample will be send to the Pat Mcafee Show if Boston Connor wants to hold on to it.

You will find no other listing like this, no one else took a sample on Feb 1st after the GOAT posted his real retirement. You will be owning the very land the GOAT retired on.

Video proof of the sample being collected can be provided upon request as Ebay does not allow video posts.

Bidding will start at $677 in honor of TB12s Career Touchdowns.

But those can't be real bids right? Nobody is actually going to pay that when the bidding ends are they? There's no way they're locked into those bids. There's a ton of other people selling the exact same sand on eBay for way less money. I'm pretty sure Brady didn't even record his retirement video the same day he released it. I heard from someone that it was filmed like a month earlier. So you'd be buying month old Tom Brady sand. Spending nearly $100k on that is irresponsible and dumb,

HOWEVER… if somebody posts some Chinese Spy Balloon debris on eBay, then we can talk. The Chinese Spy Balloon is a real thing. It's not just Tom Brady adjacent sand. Do you know how much sand is in that area? There's still so much of it left. I could go get some for free right now. But if someone had me over to their house to show me some Chinese Spy Balloon debris, I would think that's pretty cool. Significantly cooler than sand. Also taking sand from the beach is illegal.