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Everyone Say Hi To Bobi, The Oldest Dog In The World


There’s a new top dog now.

Just two weeks after announcing Spike, a Chihuahua from Ohio, as the world’s “oldest dog living,” Guinness World Records discovered an older dog in Portugal that would break the record.

Bobi, born May 11, 1992, is not just the oldest dog living — he’s also the oldest dog ever.

Guinness World Records certified Bobi — who is 30 years and 266 days old as of February 1, 2023 — as the new record holder.

This is my dog Ace on the day I picked him up from the shelter: 

Ace is the sweetest, friendliest dog ever. He LOVES meeting people. Yes, he'd be an awful guard dog in spite of what I assume are his dominant breeds (pit, staffy, etc.) and I live in Chiraq, but he makes my life infinitely happier. Coming home to him after taking daily internet beatings makes it all worth it. He's my best friend. 

It seems like just yesterday I brought him home, too, but it's already been over two years and he'll be 3 sometime around mid-July. That's like… a quarter of his life already and the sheer thought it of makes me panic. Dogs are the best things this shitty planet has to offer, but they have one fault, and that fault is they don't live long enough. 

Sure they can be stinky, expensive, chew things they're not supposed to and have a tendency to shit in places that aren't toilets, but we won't talk about any of that. Nobody's perfect, though dogs are close. 

Instead, let's focus on Bobi, the oldest dog in the history of the world: 

What a life this guy has lived! I know he's Portuguese, but President Biden should give Bobi the Presidential Medal of Freedom or a Lifetime Achievement Award or some shit. Or he could just hand the presidency fully to him because I bet inflation would wave bye-bye behind the leadership of a survivor like Bobi. The world would be a safer, better place for all 8 billion people that populate it.

I do gotta say - someone hook me up with Bobi's skincare routine and workout regiment. He is FIT and HANDSOME for a 30 year old pooch. Dog doesn't look a day over 12, and I'm not kidding. Based on this video, that's the age I'd place on him if I had to guess without access to info. Such a good looking fella! 

He def needs to do something about those eye boogers though…

This also just popped into my head: Bobi is around 225 years old in dog years. Crazy! And he's still trucking along, sniffing assholes, fucking with cats and frolicking in his Portuguese grass. What a life this guy lives. If I had the means, I'd love to rub his belly and feed him some table scraps.

Hopefully Ace lives as long and healthy a life as Bobi has. Even half that would be great, but when the inevitable circle of life occurs, I'll mourn for a few days before getting a new best friend as a replacement. That's the other great thing about dogs; they can be replaced no problemo, unlike with humans. Just pop on down to the local shelter and pick one out.

Easy peasy.