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(Moronic) Why’s of the Week

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If you’re like me, you find yourself always asking “why?” Why we do the things we do? Why do things like this happen? Why do people act a certain way? Well, like you, I don’t have any of the answers. I’m just here to state the obvious and poke fun at things that we as a society have just kind of accepted. Each week, I’ll simply be asking …why?

Let’s begin, shall we?

WHY can't anyone's parents read a GPS?

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I took a road trip with my mom recently and she got so flustered every time the GPS told her to do something. We’re both looking at the same screen but it’s as if I have some magic talent that makes it so only I can understand this.  I mean, you used to use real life maps. Like, a physical sheet of paper with lines and no guidance.  This should be so easy for you. 

WHY hasn't anyone tried smoking poison ivy like weed?

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I’m sure someone has, and I know for a fact this is a idiotic thing to even put into writing. All I’m saying is, psychedelic mushrooms are poisonous and have a super cool impact on the noggin, who's to say poison ivy couldn’t do the same thing? (Probably the fucking moron who had the same idea, tried it, and died from throat swelling you brain dead idiot.)

(If you really wanted to win a war) 

WHY wouldn't you dress up like the other side and decorate all of your machinery in the other sides flags?

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There’s probably a logical reason as to WHY this tactic isn’t used but I can’t help but think, when those British we’re coming why didn’t everyone just suit up in red coats? They’re all rocking the same wig and speak in the same tea and crumpets manor, feel like it would have been an easy alley-oop.

WHY do we have to pay a cover?

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These greedy motherfuckers that own bars are getting on my last nerve. It is guaranteed that I, as well as everyone else in this line will be spending AT LEAST the price of cover and then some here tonight so why should I pay YOU just to come in? Wouldn’t you rather I put that money towards a tab that your employees will benefit from? 

Which leads me to my last Why of the Week….

WHY do all bouncers have a superiority complex?

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It’s almost like there’s a requirement for them to be a social reject because a lot of these bouncers out here are seeking revenge. They may not have been able to take Brittany to prom, but they’ll make sure anyone who looks like Brittany gets their ID confiscated. When it comes to fakes, these fuckers get rock hard when they take one. 

More often than not, bouncers will abuse what little power they have over you. They feed off it. If you so much as look at them funny, they’ll make it their mission to not let you through. Sometimes, you almost feel bad for them but then you blow a quick cloudski in the bar and they kick you out. In that moment, you once again see them for who they really are: underpaid rejects turned dictators who work for 4 hours 3 day out of the week.