Scumbag Move: Apparently The Pipes At The Giants Hotel In Philadelphia "Broke" This Morning, Which Means Nobody On The Team Can Shower
Look, I get how big a division game is. Let alone one in the playoffs. But I didn't think those sick fuck Philly fans had this could stoop to this level of savagery and bust some pipes. Notice how I didn't call them Philly scumbags like everyone else at Barstool does because I'm above that type of name calling. Wait, what's that Eli?
You're right Eli. You always are.
Anyway, attacking random strangers in the stands for the mortal sin of rooting for the opponent is one thing. Fucking with innocent wives and kids of the opposing team is another. Even pelting Santa Claus with snowballs then getting upset when people bring it up is understandable if you convince yourself of the same old drivel about Saint Nick getting into some Peppermint Schnapps beforehand.
But you should never, I repeat NEVER, mess with another man's hot water. We live in a society for Christ sake! Or at least those of us outside the Greater Philadelphia Area do. Willfully robbing someone of being able to wash off the stank of yesterday so they can feel like a God when they walk out of a steamy shower and instead sentencing them to that lazy Saturday funk should be a federal crime that ends in the death penalty. I'm not talking a quick lethal injection either, but instead a slow, gradual death that lingers like a showerless day where all you want is some hot soap and water.
I imagine the Eagles fans that may have done this were hoping the Giants wouldn't be able to look good, which means they wouldn't feel good, which in turn means they wouldn't play good. However, now the Giants are going to look dirty, which means they are going to feel dirty, which means they are going to play dirty. I'm talking dirty in a good sense that involves the Giants getting their stank all over Jalen Hurts and the Birds, not in a cheating sense like the Eagles special teams.
Then again, I guess this is what happens in a city that worships a fictional character that didn't care about anybody but himself.
Whatever. All this does is let me know that Philly fans are afraid of their big bad 14-3 number 1 seed juggernaut facing off against the magic that comes with a Giants playoff run in those beautiful white jerseys.
Time to load up on some Big Blue gear in the Barstool NY Football Store for this run and all future runs under Coach Dabes and Danny Dimes.
