Someone Ripped A Hellacious Fart On The Canucks Broadcast, Perfectly Encapsulating Vancouver's Season
If ever there were a fart to perfectly sum up the Vancouver Canucks, that was the one. Because while it was certainly audible and I'm sure is stank like shit, something about that fart seemed like it was half-assed. As if the person who let it rip was trying to keep it in, maybe trying to just squeak it by, but just couldn't contain it. They couldn't hold it in, but they also didn't go all out on ripping ass either. A no-man's land fart, if you will.
The Vancouver Canucks are in a no-man's land themselves. As a fan of the Philadelphia Flyers men's professional ice hockey organization, I am far too familiar with the concept. Your team is never good enough to actually contend for a championship, but never bad enough to fully go into rebuild mode for a few years and stock up on top-3 picks.
The Canucks have only won a single playoff series since they lost in the Cup Final in 2011. They've failed to even reach the playoffs in 6 out of the last 7 years. Yet somehow they've only had ONE (1!!) first round pick in the draft over the past 3 years, and it was the 15th overall pick last year. Now we are in a year where literally every team should be trying to lose as many games as humanly possible. Even if the Canucks didn't get the 1st overall pick to draft hometown kid Connor Bedard, there are still guys like Fantilli and Michkov and Carlsson and Will Smith who can completely turn your franchise around. 5 talents in the upcoming draft who are all worth tanking for. And if the season ended today with no movement in the lottery, the Vancouver Canucks would be drafting 6th overall.
Now I'll admit that last night was a great start towards really going all in on the tank. They lose a 5-2 game to the Lightning where Stammer gets his 500th career goal. The Hockey Gods will take kindly to that.
They've lost 8 out of their last 10 games. And there are still 38 games left on the schedule for them. They can do this. They can trade Bo Horvat, they can get rid of as many pieces as possible, and they can lose 30 out of their last 38 games. That's probably what it's going to take at this point to keep up with the likes of Chicago and Columbus and Anaheim. There's still hope for them yet. But until they fully commit to the tank, this season has been nothing more than yet another half-assed fart.
Sidenote #1: Been hearing some rumblings that wasn't a fart, but just the sound of the goalie's skates. Reality is what you make it, so I'm just going to keep believing it was a fart.
Sidenote #2: I know drafting the hometown kid would be cool and everything. But part of me would rather see Matvei Michkov in Vancouver instead of Bedard. Could have a lot of Pavel Bure vibes going on there.