The Oldest Person In The World Has Died At 118 Years Old Following A Long Run Of Drinking Wine Every Single Day

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SOURCE - A French nun who was believed to be the world’s oldest person has died a few weeks before her 119th birthday, the spokesperson for her nursing home in southern France said Wednesday.

Lucile Randon, known as Sister André, was born in the town of Ales, southern France, on Feb. 11, 1904. She was also one of the world’s oldest survivors of COVID-19.

She was known to enjoy a daily glass of wine and chocolate.

I tell people I have a hard cider every night and people call me an alcoholic. Sister Andre has proved that drinking booze every night is the secret to living a long life. It's either that or dedicating your life to religion and helping people. But my takeaway will be the daily alcohol intake.

Sister Andre was born in 1904! Every picture of her had her eyes closed but imagine all the things she must have seen in her life. This GIF probably wasn't funny at all to her.

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She was born 14 years before America entered World War ONE! Babe Ruth wouldn't even be in the major leagues for a decade after she was born. The wildest thing is she wasn't even that close to breaking the all-time for oldest person ever. That would be Jeanne Calment (also from France) who lived to be 122. She's the only person to ever make it 120.

If you look at the top 20 oldest people of all-time, there is not a single man on the list. It's all women until you hit the first man Jiroemon Kimura who lived to be 116 and is 22nd all-time. That shouldn't be too surprising. Women live longer than men across the board. The average woman lives to be over five years older than the average man. It shouldn't be too shocking. Think about all the risky shit we do compared to women. It's because we're stupid. Even a giant pussy like me is the one changing the hard to reach light bulbs in my house. My wife is far too smart to deal with that shit when my dumbass can do it.

Even though Sister André is no longer with us and despite what Rudy saying I was there for the invention of the wheel at the beginning of Stool Scenes last week, I am not the oldest person in the world. That person is Maria Branyas Morera from Spain who is 115 years old. She's still got to make it seven more years to catch Jeanne!