Gear Up for the Big Game | New Football T-Shirts, Hoodies, Hats, Beanies, Flags and MoreSHOP NOW

This "Dream Girl" That Supposedly Gave A Dude At The Bar 8 Of The 10 Digits In Her Number And Left It Up To Him To Figure Out The Rest Is Flat Out Diabolical

What an evil move to pull. This 22-year dude met the girl of his dreams at the bar and now he has to play a real life game of Code Breakers to get in contact with her. A diabolically ingenious scheme that is sure to make her haunt his dreams until he communicates with here again.

Cute, right? Wrong. There are a few glaring problems here. 

First of all, if a woman pulls this little stunt on you then let me assure you she is NOT the girl of your dreams. And no matter how many cutesy heart shapes she attaches to the "i" in Jackie there is zero chance she is "worth it." Even if you do figure out this girl's number this is just the beginning of the hell you are about to face.

Remember the opening scene in the first SAW movie where the dude wakes up chained to the wall? And he thinks all he has to do is figure out this one puzzle and he will be home free. Welcome to your entire relationship if you decipher this lunatic's code. 

She will just feel emboldened by your persistence and continue the madness. Every time you don't pay enough attention to her, or want to head out for some beers with the boys, her eyes are going to turn blood red and you better be ready to play a little game that I guarantee won't be fun.

Giphy Images.

And even if you are great at games and think this girl is hot enough to be worth it, let me assure you that you will NEVER be good enough for her. Good enough doesn't exist to normal women, let alone ones that make you decipher Zodiac Killer style riddles. It's why women spend their entire life trying to fix the guy they supposedly love for who he is. 

Here's a little story to illustrate my point: I was out with some friends and my fiance on Sunday and this one girl was talking about John Legend. She looked at my fiance and said, "did you know John Legend used to cheat on his girlfriends?" 

My fiance spent the rest of the afternoon mad at ME for something John Legend did before he met Chrissy Teigen. 

Giphy Images.

And she is a relatively sane person. She's not some Riddler wannabe in leggings and lip plumper you just met at the bar. So even if you crack the code be careful of what pops out of that Pandora's box. 

The next issue at hand is this is probably all just an elaborate way to give you the wrong number. Never in the history of the world has a woman been able to have something she truly wanted and let it go for no reason. Sure, women give up careers for children or give up relationships for careers, but this ain't that. If she wanted you she would have given you a way to connect with her instead of math assignment.

Also, no 22-year old girl is giving out their phone number. Snapchat? Sure. Instagram? Yeah but you better hope you get the finsta. But a phone number? What is this the 1950's? Brother you are living in the past. They have moved on from phone numbers to social media handles just like they have moved on from hand jobs to eating ass. 

You sir are either an old soul or a young idiot.

And if I was this dude I would be most worried about ending up on someone's shitty TikTok account. There are only 100 number combinations he can try and if one of them happens to work he will initially be thrilled. At least until he shows up to meet the girl and all of a sudden there is some punk ass kid with a camera in his face calling him a "thirsty turd" and throwing cat shit at him. 

Now the video of his bewildered, cat shit covered face is being forced into the phone of everyone he knows by the evil algorithm and the next viral challenge is born. The caption will say "Thirsty turd thought he met his dream girl and instead met the cat shit challenge." Everywhere he goes people will throw cat shit at him and his eight year old niece will Facetime him constantly to prove to her friends she is related to the cat shit guy. 

Next thing you know he is on Dr. Phil being asked, "Now hwwwyyyyy do you love cat feces so mahhhuch?"

Sounds crazy and completely unrealistic? These are the same people who are putting fish tank cleaner in their mouths because some 16-year old blonde chick says it has anti-aging properties. 

It looks like this imbecile has been tongue-punching a Smurf. 

So best case scenario here is the guy has a 1 out of 100 shot at meeting a girl who he will eventually have to file a restraining order against. Worst case scenario he is a face of the hot new cat shit challenge on TikTok. 

Sure, a kitty litter endorsement deal might help pay the rent for a few months but what about the shame he will have to feel when grandma keeps sniffing and asking if his mom got a cat at Thanksgiving. No grandma, we told you. That's just my you are smelling.

If those are the only probable outcomes of this scenario then the only two numbers he should try are 86.