BREAKING: Ben Simmons Has Escaped
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"Ben Simmons has escaped" would be an unbelievable opening to a movie. As if he's some sort of scientific experiment that was supposed to remain hidden to the public until some double agent villain came in and set him loose to wreak havoc upon the world. The only issue is what would Ben Simmons' power be?
A lack of heart? Zero motivation to work on his game? The complete inability to receive constructive criticism? Quitting whenever things get tough? Missing free throws? Whatever the hell this is?
Whatever the case may be, the whereabouts of Ben Simmons are currently unknown and authorities are urging residents to remain vigilant. The safest place to seek shelter at the moment would be your nearest free throw line.
P.S. -- Considering how well Ben Simmons typically handles the media, I'm sure this won't start any sort of unnecessary drama within the Nets organization or anything.